The match reports here are the views of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Old Cranleighan Hockey Club. Just in case anyone thinks they do ...

April 29

1st XI XI v Yateley – Lost 3-4
Photos from the match

Pies shows the Yateley supporters, who had been giving him a hard time, that he has opened the scoring

We ended the season as we began, with a defeat in a vital game and with the two games seeing us concede five and four goals respectively, our worst returns of the season.

This is a game we should have won, could have won, but did not due to the tenacity of a Yateley side, and indeed club, that wanted promotion more than us. The scoreline suggests an exciting game, and in a way it was, although the hockey at times from both sides was poor and not an advert for our respective leagues. Indeed, when watching the Tulse Hill v London Weyfarers play,off immediately after our match, it is difficult to believe that we topped the Premier A division and would have despatched the two sides with ease and yet are now miles away from being able to even challenge the top reaches of the league above and the lower reaches of Premier B.

Yateley deserved to win because they were better at short corners, scoring three from eight, and we were abjectly poor – two from 12 or more – and had clearly been practising what was a slick and dangerous-looking routine. Their supporters may have out numbered ours and certainly out voiced them which lifted their side at crucial times. The feeling was that Yateley did not feel they had a chance of winning and were surprised at doing so, but when the chips were down they reacted very well. The longer the game went on the more belief they had.

Cato battles for possession

The first half was goalless and a pretty sterile affair. Neither goalkeeper was called into action, even though the Yateley tactics of defending in a very narrow formation should have played into our hands. The pitch was sticky and this made some parts of the game difficult but the conditions were the same for both sides. We attacked in the first 35 minutes without much effect and Yateley caught us on the break, which gave us an insight as to how we could be hurt.

The resumption saw the game come alight from a goal-scoring perspective. A harsher decision than both sides were used to saw us awarded a short corner from which we scored, with Pies finishing off a loose ball. Time to settle down and protect the lead - but instead a pointless short was conceded and Yateley scored with the best strike we have had against us all season. We shuffled the pack and Gavin struck our second from a tight angle. Yateley spurred on by their supporters pushed up but created little and we dominated from a possession perspective. Corners came and went unconverted. Ball retention was not rewarded with clear cut chances as Yateley defended in a disciplined way, and from a break from defence earned a short which was popped home by the injector who found a gaping gap on the near post to slot home with five minutes to go.

The tireless David Knapp surges forward

Into extra time, and with our lower fitness levels this was always going to be a stiff challenge. Players were again rotated but not before Yateley took the lead when snatching the ball away from us when we were under no pressure and clumsily scoring along the baseline. We immediately responded and won a short which was deflected somewhat luckily by Knapp when the umpire could have disallowed the goal for a lifted shot by Will that was deflected downwards onto the back board. Surely now we would use our experience to slow down the game. However, from another break Yateley won their final corner with Bruce being harshly penalised but balancing up the decision that led to our first goal. A sucker punch with the same move as their second goal resulting in their fourth – exactly the same as the two goals by Bank of Boks that denied us the point that would have won us the league.

The second period of extra time was all pressure from us, and three or four ineffectual corners and a final whistle that brought down the curtain on a season that seven months ago promised so much, but eventually delivered nothing other than a salutary lesson that teams who train and clubs that have the desire will end up winning games that are crucial.

The season has been the best we have had for a number of years and that must not be forgotten. I feel sorry for those guys who trained every week at TD to no avail, with a feeling of guilt to those guys as I did not make more than four training sessions. Young blood is needed to ensure we have a balance of experience and youth and a group that can and will train together.

We wish Yateley well in the regional league and unlike the reports we had fed our way they were a good bunch with the game played in the right spirit and their being very gracious in victory.

March 31

Ladies XI XI v Barnes – Won 3-1

Sarah Hardiman scored the last goal on the old astroturf

This was Helen’s final match as captain after far too many years to count in charge of the Ladies. As such, this is her last match report and one made all the more memorable as it was written on a Blackberry on a coach somewhere in Europe after the end-of-season dinner and a sleepless night:

The season ended I write this over a few beers after a traumatic night of travelling to Austria - passports forgotten, mobile phones lost (3), Katy still in her dress at the airport and our flight almost missed (despite being at the airport on time). Not a good idea to go on holiday straight after the end-of-season dinner!

Our match against Barnes, Hounslow and Ealing on Saturday was, however, a better display of organisation and sobriety. We played well with several attempts on goal and also some close saves, including with me making a save off the line (it is my last match report so I can indulge!). We went into half time 1-0 up from a cracking free hit into the D from Ros which was cleanly touched in by Jax, after sending yet another opposition player to A&E.

Determination right to end the of the season

In the second half our dominance prevailed and we scored two more goals. The second through Dora following a cross into the D from May which Dora slammed into the back of the goal. The last goal of the season came from Sarah Hardiman through a shot from the top of the D. BH&E managed to get one back although Rosie made a valiant attempt to save it, sliding into the goal mouth on her side.

A great end to the season following a fantastic team effort and third place in division one, which is our highest ever final league position so we are now gunning for Premier League next season.

Finally a big thank you to everyone that has supported me over the years as captain - especially the girls and Dunx for committing to training and games week-in week-out, Martin, CD and also my hubby (the sambuca king) who has helped me enormously! Girls, you have a great new captain in Jax and she will be able to take the team to the next level with you support - good luck J, and enjoy … it is a great honour!

March 24

1st XI XI v NPL – Won 6-2

Pies slots in our second goal from close range

The last game of the league season saw us do enough to beat HPL comfortably in what was a very patchy and in the main poor performance. A win was enough to at least put us in the play offs but with Old Whitgiftians beating UCL 3 -1 matters are still in their hands to win the league although a draw for them in their last match next week against HAC will hand us the league.

We needed a good start and were 2 – 0 up very quickly, Gavin Adair cracking home our first short after 3 minutes and Mark Selby coolly finishing following a good move involving the midfield with Mark Smith setting up Selby. We then started playing poorly allowing our ball speed to drop and were caught at the back a few times. The defence dealt with all that was thrown at them but Mike took a crack on the knee at one short corner which looked as if his game was over. However, it gave us the chance to put our heads together and put right our wrongs and there followed a scintillating five minutes and two goals for Adair to put us 4 – 0 up at half time.

All out defence

Two minutes into the second half Mark Smith scored our fifth and the game was over. At that point our play became stretched and our patterns and structure disappeared and fair to say we played the worst 30 minutes of the second half of the season. The ball was given away countless times when becoming stretched and our final pass was very poor. Instead of capitalising on the space we had when breaking out we ran with the ball too much and found the last pass cut out which in part was attributable to our midfield tiring having to run shuttles for 30 minutes. NPL reduced the five-goal deficit from a well placed flick from a short but scored our sixth with David Knapp converting a stroke. NPL had the last laugh with a short corner strike being deflected over Mike. The last few minutes were played out with us failing to convert a hat full of chances. Cato was deservedly named man of the match for his hard and tireless work in the middle of the park.

The positive aspect was that we scored when we had to, but any spies from Yateley would not have learnt a great deal from our play other than our defensive line up at short corners and two of our attacking short corner options. The rest of the game that they have on camera will make pretty tedious viewing.

Pies fires in a shot

Due to the organisation of the league there is now a five-week gap until the play offs, which is frustrating for all participating teams concerned.

Upon reflection the most important result of the season was our 3–0 win in the first half against Bank of Boks who, having only lost two games all season, will count themselves unlucky if they are not in the play offs. In my view they were the best team we played by some distance. Bank of Boks can still make it if OWs lose against HAC.

4th XI XI v Barnes Beavers – Won 3-1

Steve Harmer in his final outing as captain: he certainly always did it his way

That’s right, its back after a few weeks off Harmer’s column returns for the last game of the season and its last-ever edition due to the said Harmer stepping down as 4th XI captain. So for one last time, hold onto your hockey pants as here we go! (And, only because he is off into the sunset, here is his offering in full).

Our last game of the season was against a charming team called the Barnes Beavers who were hovering at the start of Saturday morning just above the relegation zone in our league. Although we were safe, during the toss the opposition captain was trying to instigate a spate of match-fixing to get the result that they needed to stay up, the mighty 4th team was in no mood to offer charity.

Robin Crumby and Mark Oxbrough were especially disappointed to miss the game as they had so much joy in the first half of the season (in the memorable Chiswick Duck Poo encounter) marking the Beavers front line X-factor rejects duo! Crumby was unavailable due to the impending birth of his second child (we wish his wife ‘Thor’ and his family well) and Oxo, who although looks pregnant, was in fact at some social function.

We started well with the midfield pinging the ball around with some ease and quickly found that the opposition’s defence could not handle the power and speed of our two turbo wingers Bertie and Dom, who repeatedly embarrassed their left and right backs with darting runs. This provided our front pairing of Louis and Will plenty of space to pressure the keeper with a number of shots. The first ten minutes culminated in us winning a short corner which was executed with some aplomb by Bance, Harmer and Strover. Louis’ strike flew past the defenders and keeper to smash the backboard into pieces.

It was not long before pressure began to tell again on the Beavers flapping defenders as Bance played in a slippery salmon of a cross in from the left which Strover met in front of the keeper and neatly flicked round the Beaver shot stopper who laid on the floor with his legs in the akimbo position. We were two up and starting to enjoy ourselves and the remainder of the first half saw the OC’s peppering the Beavers net with plenty of action. As Will made way for JD upfront, it was not long before the change bore fruit with JD converting a cross from Strover round the downed keeper. At half time we went in 3-0 up and enjoying every moment.

In the second half, the Beavers changed structure and actually started to pressurise us down the right flank which only caught us out once. A cross from the right was deflected by a Beaver forward but saved by Nige Hawes, alas the ball few up and hit Grant Archer in the chest whose forward momentum cushioned the ball into the goal. This was very unlucky for Grant as he has filled ‘Old Apple Crumble Crumby’s’ shoes in the centre back position with great skill and grace.

Although the second half was an end-to-end affair, the score remained 3-1 at full time. This win hopefully propels us to mid table which is probably a fair refection on our season. So that ends the final match report of the final game, of the final season with Harmer as captain of the 4th team. So all we need now is a big show tune to end on! So I will not disappoint my readers, so Maestro please start the music……

(Music starts to ‘I did it my (the Mighty 4th Team) way’, Frank Sinatra and Steve Harmer, 2007)

And now, the end (of Harmer’s Column) is here
And so I (Harmer) face(s) the final curtain (season)
My friends (and team), I'll say it clear
I'll (we’ve) state(d) my (the) case, of which I'm (we’re) certain
I've (we) lived (played) a life (season) that's full
I (We’ve) traveled (to) each (Hockey pitch) and ev'ry highway (Including the M25 to the Croydon getto)
And more, much more than this, I (we) did it my (the mighty 4th team) way!

Regrets (Losses and lagers), I've (we’ve) had a few
But then again, too few (apart from CD on both counts) to mention
I (we) did what I (we) had to do and saw it through without exemption
I (we) planned each charted course (to hockey matches), each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I (we) did it my (the mighty 4th team) way

Yes, there were times (when we had no players), I'm sure you (all) knew
When I (we) bit off more than I could chew (like playing Spencer on grass)
But through it all, when there was doubt (as in every week)
I (Oxo) ate it up and spat it out (or threw it up on the side lines)
I (we) faced it all and I (we) stood tall and did it my (the mighty 4th team) way
I've (We’ve) loved (our WAGS), I've laughed (before every game) and cried (with laughter at Bertie as well)
I've (we’ve) had my (our) fill, my (our) share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I (we) find it all so amusing
To think I (we) did all that (and beat Spencer on grass when they had not lost for 4 years)
And may I (we) say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me (us), I did it my (The mighty 4th team) way"

For what is a man (without his team), what has he got?
If not himself (his team), then he has naught
To say the things (in the half time talk) he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels (who speaks marketing bullshit bingo)
The record shows I (we) took the blows and did it my (the Mighty 4th team) way!

[instrumental]

Speech to Audience: ‘I would like to thank all those who have played for the 4th team over the last few seasons, it has been a honour to captain you and I have made many new wonderful friends in the process. We have had our up and our downs but we have never lost our passion and we have always pulled through! I would like to thanks the vice captains this year Grant, Dom and especially Bertie who I have worked under for two years as vice captain and then he under me for the last 3 years. I can safety say we could not have done it without him! So now the end is near and I ask you all to join in as we sing…….’

Yes, it was my (the Mighty 4th Team) way!
[Applause and Standing Ovation]
Speech to Audience: Good night beautiful people (Not you Armo) and god bless!

March 17

1st XI XI v London University – Won 9-1
We continued our good run with a win against London University who it has to be said were appalling and by far the worst team we have played this season. From our first short corner in the third minute Gavin Adair rifled home and Mark Selby made it 2–0 a few minutes later from our second. At this stage it seemed as if we could score at will which was probably the reason for our poor performance for the remainder of the first half even though we added further goals from Nick Lewis, Mark Selby and Mark Smith. Instead of playing keep ball and shifting the ball around at pace we decided to play the long ball on a bobbly and dry pitch that resulted in us losing our way.

At half time we decided to keep the passing short and simple with the call being that we would drive home disappointed and unfulfilled if we ran out 9–1 winners, keeping a clean sheet being our main objective. We drove home unfulfilled. Mark Smith, mark Selby, David Knapp and Stuart Ripley added to the tally, the latter scoring his first of the season and showing what a good player he is. However we conceded a short corner where the ball did not leave the circle but no excuses for what was a lamentable lapse. In games like this we have to pass the ball in the danger area more effectively and in numerous cases had the opportunity to make a difficult chance into a simple tap in with the type of passing we had last week against Surrey University.

Nevertheless we are still top, and although Old Whitgiftians have a game in hand – they are two points behind – they play UCL next week and then their game in hand against a rejuvenated HAC side on the 31st. Win next week and we are guaranteed a play of against the second placed Hampshire side which is more than likely to be Yateley. An OW slip up would see us win the league outright although Bank of Boks may still have a say in the promotion race.

1st XI XI v O Georgians – Won 2-0
This weekend we played Old Georgians which is never an easy game, even though the league table would suggest we could win it pretty easily. The game started with us showing off our new improved passing game and speed with the midfield of Jax, Viks, May and Manny taking on the OGs midfield. As the pressure piled on so did the opportunities for OC to convert but the OGs defence and keeper were able to keep us out. Tight defensive marking across the team meant that OGs had little opportunities to break into our half and create their own opportunities. However the odd occasion where they were able to break through, we were quick to re-group and strongly clear the lines.

At half time there was still no score from either side but we were determined to get out there and get stuck in there – even though Rosie and Dora were in excruciating back pain, both were determined to carry on and give it there all (thank you). With Coach Motty stern team talk over we quickly dominated the second half through a early goal, which saw speedy May beating the midfield and defence to get a clean cross into the D, which was then followed up by Dora spanking it in the back of the goal. This wasn’t a time to relax though as OGs were always capable of catching us on the break and did have their opportunities in the second half. The flow of the game was abruptly halted through an accidentally undercut free hit that saw an OGs player catch the ball clean on her right brow – the good news is that she is on the road to recovery and we wish her well but even Tissy’s high temperature washing skills would be a stretch for her blood stained shirt (not good)!

Following the re-start we got there heads back together and started to focus on their game. Eventually the second goal came as Viks battled to get the ball past the OGs keeper, Dora was able to pick up the re-bound and slot the ball in the back of the goal – yippee (just for you Martin). With a 2-0 lead to protect, we settled down and it was long until the final whistle came and we earned ourselves another valuable three points.

March 10

1st XI XI v Surrey University – Won 15-0
This was the second-biggest league win in the club’s history and now gives us a “goals for” column of 108 for the first time in a few years and a positive goal difference of 90. On the negative side it is fair to say that we were poor but our main strength is that we have the players who can recognise the errors of our ways and put things right. Three up at half time was converted into a 15 – 0 win by the end, five goals coming in the last six or so minutes.

Mark Smith continued his excellent form taking his total past the 30 mark with four goals, Mark Selby added five to his burgeoning tally, Knapp scored a hat-trick with Gavin Adair, Nick Lewis and Stuart Kirk adding one each. Mike in goal had one save to make and made a difficult save look easy. In the past we would have won this game but conceded a goal. The mark of this defence is that they have kept 10 clean sheets in 20 matches, again, a club record.

We were assisted by the University turning up with 10 and then having a player red carded for a stupid offence. Bad tackle – green - followed by some back chat – yellow - and culminating in a throw of a stick into the car park – red.

At half time we said we must whiz the ball around and this we did. The last four goals were tap-ins, and we played some wonderfully incisive and direct hockey. The best of the goals coming when Heard picked the ball up on our base line, cracked the ball to Knapp who drove it to Kirk who then laid on Selby to roll the ball home. One end to the other in three passes and 10 seconds.

Top tonight but still a three-horse race. We have a point advantage over Bank of Boks and 2 over OWs who have a game in hand. Two more wins and we are guaranteed a play off place … but we have to hope OWs will slip up. Tough decision for the coach this week with 15 available for 13 spots in the squad against London University who upset our apple cart last season.

Ladies XI v Spencer – Won 1-0
This week the ladies took on Spencer who, like us, are having a good season so this was always going to be a tough game. But given that it was a beautiful summer’s afternoon we were in the mood to make it even better by getting a good result. So a quick warm-up run around Battersea Park seemed to do the trick! The first half saw neither side dominate the game and we had to brake from our normal structure to make sure that Spencer weren’t able to capitalise on a few loose players coming through the centre. It seemed to work in the end, as following some quality saves from Katy in goal, we were able to get control of the game towards the end of the first half and get a number of shots on target but alas unable to convert them.

However, it was the second half were all the action happened. A quick change in the defensive line up seemed to do the trick and we began to dominate the game, camping out in their half. Jax, May and Viks had storming games driving the ball through the midfield and not relenting when the oppo got the ball back. Also the front line of Morgs, Dora and House were shaking things up causing the oppos defence trouble but also working really hard to get back and defend when we needed them most. Eventually the goal came following May’s run down the right hand side to the back line, she cleanly crossed it onto the p spot and Dora got on the end of it to slam the goal home – yippee 1-0 to us!

As Spencer pressed for the equaliser our defence got tangled and a wall of red descended! No it was anger but lots of blood! Yep Manny’s follow through on an edge of D clearance hit Ros clearly across the top of her nose and then the blood just never stopped flowing – fortunately it isn’t broken but Ros will have two beautiful black eyes for her conference presentation in Dublin (class!). With Ros receiving a quick patch up the team re-worked positions and good defensive work from Manny, Tux, Katy and Hels managed to hold off Spencer until the final whistle … even when May was temporarily side-lined with an injury. For all of you that know Ros she didn’t give up and play up front for the remainder of the game … still running round like a mad thing – nutter but greatly appreciated by the team. So three valuable points earned after a somewhat difficult second half of season – well done OC girlies.

March 3

1st XI XI v Merton – Won 6-0
Potentially this was the biggest test post Old Whits, with Merton smarting after our defeat of them last season with a disputed winner that derailed their promotion push. Merton had a score to settle. Chris Brewer was hoping to be fit, but Heardy was primed in anticipation of having to cover and when CB said he was not fit JH stepped up to the mark. JH and Dodie are two of the most reliable guys we could ask to step into a big game and today them proved what character they possess. Indeed, we have a clutch of good characters with Tim C leaving work to be present for the meet and then back to the office after the game.

As for the game it proceeded along the lines of the first match. Merton whizzing the ball around, us sitting back, stifling Merton and catching them on the break. Defensively Merton are very sound but extremely slow and three breaks put us 3 – 0 up at half time, Nick Lewis at last scoring a goal finishing off a good move. Smudger added the next two, coolly slotting home a one-on-one and squeezing home his second when the keeper should have done better. In between times Mike made two good saves, with one low down to his left from a shorty being quite stupendous. Any doubts we had were put to one side in the first minute of the second half. A defensive lapse by us from the re start was converted into an excellent break with the ensuing short struck home by skipper Adair. Five minutes later a series of quick passes enable Knapp to set up Selby who swept the ball home. Mike made another excellent save from a well worked short from Merton at which point the game petered out. There was time for Knapp to crash home the sixth.

We were very, very good today preventing Merton from having anything other than two short corner shots and one or two half chances. As in the first meeting Merton’s endeavour came to very little but our back four were excellent with Dodie especially being outstanding winning him the man of the match. Nick Lewis had his best game of the year and Herdy was excellent in his first game. Next week promises to provide some very testing and difficult selection decisions.

February 24

1st XI XI v HAC – Won 6-3
The five remaining league games are all potential banana skins and so one down, four, maybe five to go. HAC were unrecognisable both in personnel and attitude from the team we played before Christmas and made life uncomfortable for us in the first 10 minutes even though we were one up with Kirky finishing off an incisive move from our own half. HAC were allowed back in the game with us stopping for a whistle that never came and in essence gifting HAC a deserved equalizer. Knappy restored the lead somewhat fortuitously at the start of a 20-minute power play when we whizzed the ball around and cut HAC to ribbons. Smudger added a third walloping the ball into the roof having been set up by Kirky and the same pair combined with Smudger rolling the ball home from two feet. There followed the best move of the season involving a disputed number of passes and but for a timely intervention by a defender Sumdger would have made it 5-1 before the break. In between times the HAC keeper had an inspired time making a series of top saves, two from skipper Adair and a remarkable save from Ripples.

Smudger increased his tally to four early in the second half to cap his best performance of the season to date as he continually tormented the opposition’s defence. More chances came and more good saves from the keeper. By this time we becoming stretched and went to sleep, fatally taking our foot off the pedal. HAC capitalised and it was no surprise when they scored two late consolation goals, one following a stroke and the other with some sloppy marking. The downside of the day was losing CB to what appeared to be a bad hamstring pull but the plus side was a solid performance from Dodie and an excellent debut from Ripples. Merton next week and we know this will be a tough one. David Knapp

February 17

1st XI XI v O Whits – Won 2-0

David Knapp celebrates our opening goal

Ahead of the game and following the results in other games over the last few weeks we were either going to be top or possibly fourth after today’s game. Due to OWs non event last week we had gone to within a point of the leaders but Bank of Boks strong run continued and UCL put their bad run behind them to both win.

After the first game at Whitgift School we had a score to settle and it was imperative that we came out of the traps and carried on the form of last week’s game. The warm up and pre match routine was tweaked a bit and the first 20 minutes saw us play some scintillating hockey at real pace and OWs could not live with us. Andy Evans between the sticks showed us why he such a highly rated keeper and that his performance in the first game was no fluke by making two top drawer saves from Smudger and Knappy. However we could not convert any of the chances or the 2 short corners we forced and were in fact fortunate to go in at half time 0–0 as gave away the ball in our 25 when not under pressure on 3 or 4 occasions and how the oppositions forwards must be ruing their missed chances as they fluffed their lines. Mike as always was on hand to make crucial saves when asked to do so.

Will Stephens finds his route to goal blocked

The half time chat revolved around ensuring we drew the fouls in the OWs 25 following the two green cards to their defence and 30 seconds into the half Smudger won a short that Gavin squeezed home with the unfortunate OWs skipper getting the last touch. The same OWs player was unlucky to see a powerful drag flick come down off the underside of the bar a few minutes later and run to safety but it was only a matter of time before the second went in. Bruce in his last game for a month saw a Knapp run and cracked the ball into the D for Knapp to make the deftest of deflections to make it two at a point when the opposition’s best outfield player had been sin binned. We continued to press on but OWs were not going to go quietly and carried on pushing forward. Mike made another splendid save low down to his right and what a transformation he has been from the goalkeeper we saw last year. The back 4 were also awesome in the second half protecting our D with massive effort.

This was the best game that we have played in this year a fact helped by two excellent umpires who worked as a team, played the advantage and controlled a game being played by two very passionate teams. OWs were magnanimous in defeat with both sides appreciating the other’s level of skill and good hockey.

Another run from Mark Smith

This is probably not the result that the chasing pack wanted as a defeat for us would have put Bank of Boks in the box seat for the remainder of the season. Next week pits OWs against Merton and Bank of Boks against UCL whilst we play HAC and so the results next weekend could begin to sort out the promotion spots. Currently it seems as if promotion is two from four but next week it could be 2 from 3. We cannot afford to take anything for granted as HAC gave us a hard time before Christmas and very disappointingly we are 3 players short next week for various work related and personal reasons, some more difficult to fathom than others.

For the second year running we have now beaten all the teams in the league and impressively have kept eight clean sheets in the 17 league matches to date, with three on the trot. David Knapp

2nd XI XI v Wanderers – Drew 2-2

Pies surges down the wing

Three weeks ago we were mugged by a Barnes side that carried on playing for the whole 70 minutes and came back from 4-1 down to equalise with the last push of the game. Two weeks ago we mugged ourselves by turning up to play Walton & Weybridge with nine men. Last week we were mugged by the weather. So this week it made a nice change to mug someone else. A largely forgettable first half (certainly from our point of view) ended with us only 1-0 down. 4-0 would have been a more accurate reflection of the balance of play. Billy's half-time words of inspiration sadly had no effect at all and we were soon 2-0 down to a very well worked goal. The game then moseyed on in the same vein until, with about 15 minutes to go, we decided to start attacking. Suddenly we were all over Wanderers and we were duly awarded a penalty flick. Billy had no hesitation in sending Mark Lecompte up to the spot. Mark's reply of "are you sure?" didn't exactly inspire confidence (well it was his first game of hockey for 15 months). But our captain's faith was repaid when Mark sent the ball flying into the top corner. 2-1. Then with five minutes to go, Preston deflected a Lecompte cross past their stranded keeper. 2-2. A frantic last five minutes saw us narrowly miss several chances to win the game. But we are all indebted to Kelson for his fine reflex save at the death, which secured us our hard-earned point. Preston Rutt

3rd XI XI v Croydon MO – Won 5-3

Surely not a short corner?

The travelling 3rd XI went back to Croydon because the world is conspiring against us never to play at home again. Although described as possibly the most miserable journey in the history of mankind to get there, Rich Lawrence and Jock actually didn’t make, due to Jock’s suspected public-school training instinctively kicking in and diverting him away from the only place the Germans missed 60 years ago. We never-the-less arrived to face Croydon MO (who we ironically like as a club!). A team depleted by several of the usual suspects, Andy Eve, Tim Judd and Louis Stover stepped in to deliver fine performances.

We started with the February sun glaring into our eyes and pushback. Early play let to some great runs up the flanks and Louis and Bruce upsetting the Croydon defence with some good runs into space. Although unlucky not to put some early opportunities, it wasn’t long into the game that a cross from Tissy to the penalty spot was driven into the back of the net by Louis. The second goal game very shortly afterwards with Bruce taking on the Croydon defence, driving into the D, drew the keeper and slipped to the parallel Andy Eve who hit the ball under the reacting keeper, 2-0. Croydon came back and as we took the foot of the peddle they broke through our right midfield and cutting across the top of the D, Nigel Smith put two great blocks in and although Tim J was unlucky not to clear the following scramble with a reverse sweep, Croydon's attack flicked the ball over Nigel for 2-1.

Gavin Adair fires us into the lead

An altercation occurred and a Croydon player picked up a yellow card before half time however it would be unfair to say that he was the only guilty party. Half-time came and Duncan made an inspirational speech and with the sun now behind us, the second half started with a flourish and with continued team play the game developed further and Doug scored to take us to 3-1. Croydon scored off a short corner that although our defence were a little impeded unfairly, a goal none-the-less. Tissy had a fantastic 1-on-1 opportunity but some good keeping kept him out and it wasn't until later in the game following a penalty flick that Croydon missed and a break ensued that Louis added another to claim a brace. There was a little debate on the goal itself as the Croydon umpire had not apparently blown – however, both teams had played as if the whistle had blown and after a discussion, the umpires agreed that a goal was in the flow of the game. Unlucky for Croydon but the right decision (so writes J Armitage, one of the umpires!).

Croydon once again came back and scored from a short-corner to make it 4-3, the score of our last meeting with them. Hard tackles and chat-back came from both sides and Duncan and Andy E had picked up greens as some clumsy tackles occurred. With 10 minutes remaining, the game became very close but a break from left midfield across to right midfield allowed Bruce to pick up a rebound and slot away his first goal for the 3XI and conclude the game at 5-3. Man of the Match was Richard Lawrence who had a great game from center back (maybe found a calling!) although Doug, Simon L and Nigel all had excellent game as well as everyone else. Statistically, we have conceded 33% of our goals this season from Croydon but this still leaves us second in the league with two games in hand over first and third and three points clear. NPL next week ... big game! James Armitage

4th XI XI v Walton & Weybridge – Lost 1-3
As you can probably guess from the home page headlines the 4th XI’s recent run of good form came to a disappointing end against our chavtastic opposition Walton & Weybridge. Yup, them again! Apparently Harmer’s column has been known to get excited about this team, so hold onto your pants…as…here…we…gooooooo!!!!!!

It was never going to be an easy game with our seasoned defender Robin Crumby escaping to the frozen wastelands of Chicago and our talismanic striker Louis Strover being recruited by the 3rd team in a clandestine operation conducted by the hobbling evil genius James ‘Moriarty’ Armitage. In fact in any professional league the said snaffling of our leading goal scorer would have been considered in the same vain as that of Javier Mascherano somewhat doggy transfer to West Ham so therefore incur that wrath of an enquiry from UEFA! Even through Strover moved on a free transfer to the 4ths from the 3rd’s two seasons ago, Armitage put forward a stunning argument to Grant Archer (4th team captain for the week) that he still owned 51% of Strover! This was shocking news to Grant who could hardly believe what he was hearing and especially Mrs Strover who has her own legitimate claims on the said Louis!

Therefore we had to call upon a number of experienced Vets to test the metal against Walton & Weybridge. To be honest, the W&W side certainly did test the vets to the limits of their metal. Now don’t get me wrong, nine of W&W side are very decent chaps who like to play the game in the best possible spirit. Unfortunately there is always one or two, in this case two that spoil it for the rest of the team. Personally being a captain for some years now, you know occasionally you have to deal with difficult players on your team but I really feel for my opposite number at W&W. Frankly having to apologise for these two jackasses on a weekly basis would compel me to hit the bottle (not fake tan for the benefit of grant) and book a week at The Priory!

It took exactly five minutes for the W&W terrible front duo of ASBO and Skid Mark to start playing up. How to describe them? Well, a smart-arse shaven-headed thug and his wimpy but fairly skilful sidekick who is keen to get tough as long at his Neanderthal sidekick is around to help him out. Every side who has played Walton will know who we mean. And, again, we should say we feel for the rest of his side who spent much of the game apologising for their “friends”. We understand they are rejects from GB Eagles. No wonder that side folded … how on earth can you recruit new blood with such characters in the side.

What followed for the remainder of the game can be described as a vile tirade of abusive language and physical – often discreet - fouling that would not have been out of place in a People Republic of China’s football match. At some points the back three of Harmer, Archer and Pollard looked to the sky for divine inspiration in an attempt to turn the other cheek. From a personal perspective, I was reminded of the speech of David Cameron this week in which he commented that a whole section of society was growing up without the benefit for strong father figure instilling a social value system in their offspring. Harmer’s column rarely likes to be political but you hardly ever get to see such a stunning example of social commentary in HD Widescreen reality. We can only hope that these two never achieve a basic understanding of the human reproductive system and therefore never father children. If they do manage somehow to pull them selves above the pit of primordial slime from whence they came and a chance of their ability to reproduce becomes a threat to human society. We can only hope that rational thinking takes over so compelling the government to instigate a policy of sterilization and frankly I am more than happy to provide them with a rusty knife to perform the operation!

With that out of the column’s system, we better move onto the match. We were stunned by an early unstoppable undercut from the W&W (non Chav) right wing. Even with the chav duo up to their normal tricks, we started to put together a number of excellent moves that put the opposition under pressure. We were lacking upfront this week but we finally got a lucky break when Marky Mark Oxbrough broke through the W&W defense and chipped one over the advancing keeper. We hoped we could go in 1-1 at half time but a mistake at the back let W&W in and we went into the break 2-1 down. The second half certainly lack the precision and flow of the first half as the game deteriorated and to be honest we never truly threatened the opposition’s goal.

W&W scored a third through a short corner which only happened due to Skid-Mark Chav standing on Nige Hawes feet in goal. Hawes went berserk, so had to be pinned in the goal by two OC players and the celebrating ASBO wheeled away in celebration. Scientific tests later proved that his brain became over loaded with excitement which was the reason why he could not control his body, so technically it was not his mental responsibility when he kicked the feet of the umpire from behind so dumping the umpire on his backside! The fact that the umpire had given the said player numerous warnings on his conduct and play had nothing to do with the incident, but the dimwit claimed it was accidental – as he did when he threw his stick at the ball or when he dumped Jon Grey into the fence. Note at this point the meathead was the same individual who had been yellow carded earlier in the season for poleaxing the OC goalkeeper when the ball was out of play.

At the final whistle, we lost 3-1 with the OC’s showing the frustration of having their game dragged down to such a base level. This column’s parting comment this week should be that for the good of W&W club they get rid of the chav duo soon. They are a decent club who we have played for almost 50 years and they deserved to win this game. While there is possibly hope for their No. 69 who has skill, they have to dump the other donkey otherwise they risk earning an undeserved reputation for being a violent team, which they are not.

February 10

1st XI XI v walton – Won 11-0

Now some might argue that the attackers' sticks were too high ... but we got the short corner

The biggest match for the 1st XI is now nearly upon us with Old Whitgiftians due to play at TD this coming weekend. Following their narrow loss against OWs last week, this match promised to be a potentially difficult one as Walton had made life difficult for us in the first 20 minutes of the earlier match in November. However, we started at real pace and on a perfect pitch moved the pitch around really well. Walton were also keen to play an open game and the first 10 minutes proved to be very open. The deadlock was broken with a superb bit of improvisation by Bruce who put in a huge aerial into the D from left half with Eds running through and taking the ball over his shoulder, brining it down and popping it home. Walton could have levelled the score with a great break from their own half but squandered a two-on-Mike in goal and our lead was retained.

Eds Copleston sweeps home No. 10

The next 15 minutes saw us play our best hockey of the season and kill the game off with four goals with our continually causing problems down the right, reaching the by line regularly and creating chance after chance. A crude tackle on Pies enabled Knapp to make it 2-0 from the penalty spot, a well-worked short saw new boy Tim Cima convert for his first goal for the club and Smudger rifled home a shot form the right of the D. Pies added the sixth before the break, Smudger having scored his second..

Mark Smith on one of many runs

As in other games this season we lost our way at the start of the second period due to the loss of shape and a change in our pattern of play with the team becoming stretched. Nevertheless two goals came fairly early and then in the last 15 minutes we notched three more, Walton becoming demoralised, picking up three yellow cards in quick succession for clumsy tackles from behind. Smudger increased his tally to four, Eds completed his hat-trick and Pies scored his second to give us an important win with a huge fillip to our goal difference. Walton are not a bad side but we were exceptional in patches and power played our way to a really convincing win. The defence as always made some big tackles and Mike kept alert and dealt comfortably with the four shots he had to save. Bruce somewhat harshly picked up a yellow for our one and only poor tackle of the match but in the context of the game and having regard to the three yellows for Walton the decision was correct.

Although some felt that Walton were fairly inept this is dumbing down our performance which in the view of Martin Williamson who came to watch us play hockey and lacrosse was the best he had seen us play since the halcyon days of the last 1990s. All will come to nought however if we do not carry this through to next week’s game. El gordo awaits…
David Knapp

4th XI XI v Reigate Priory – Won 3-1
Starting the day in a Reigate sandwich (Priory and old) our proud and elegant fourth team were in no mood to be anybody’s filling and thus they proved with a strong win, moving up to sixth in Surrey 5. Now for those who have never played in this league I wouldn't recommend it to the faint hearted. What it lacks in skill it makes up for in violence. Reigate Priory illustrate all the aspects of the typical league 5 side:

1. Confused, possibly visually impaired umpire.
2. Three or four illiterate 16 year olds.
3. A nutter in the midfield who plays a particular brand of hockey called 'ice hockey'.
4. A goalie who feels that a ball is an added luxury in hockey.
5. Various simple-minded dimwits who run around feeling just a little bitter that they ended up living in Reigate, Carshalton, Walton, etc.

Having said this Reigate provided good opposition to our side. We dominated possession for most of the first half and finally went ahead through Will Young (as he has never been known) combining well with Louis. Unfortunately Reigate snatched back an equaliser before half time on the break. “Wankers,' Harmer was heard to say from the sidelines.

We came out after half time with renewed determination after a brief but concise team talk from this week’s captains Dom (and a little bit from the self-Harmer). Tommy came out of the central distribution role and moved to umpire with Harmer Simpson stepping into that vacant role with much aplomb. We started moving the ball about at pace and Reigate produced no second-half efforts, we on the other hand forced eight penalty corners and scored twice. I would mention captain Dom Dom's wild swish wide from six feet out but it was unimportant so there's no need. Two goals from club journeyman Bruce and 4th team sharp shooter Louis produced the win that we desired.

I think the club should be very proud of the strength in depth of the Old Cranleighans Hockey club, from goal keeper and defence through to the midfield and attack there is so much skill and commitment in this side that it's a shame this side will probably just miss out on the promotion that the 1's and 3's should achieve. A few people need special mention, John Mulholland in central midfield worked his tits off which was a great sight. Father-to-be Rob Crumble and left back Grant Archer snuffed out a number of Reigate counter attacks in the first half and Louis upfront was probably Man of the Match. I'd like to say it was a great team effort but it's such a terrible cliche so instead I'll just say it's great winning. Well done guys. Next week Walton.
Bruce McNeal.

February 3

1st XI XI v Addiscombe – Won 4-0

Mark Smith sets us on our way

This game provided a very good indication of our true character against a well organised Addiscombe side that came to spoil and catch us on the break. We were absolutely shocking in the first half. I apologise here and now for any sensitive sole who is upset by this reflective reporting. Addiscombe had done their home work, set out with a game plan that they executed to a tee. Indeed, the away side could have been in the lead at half time having a number of promising breaks which they failed to convert into chances. We were lethargic and tried to play long balls that played into the hands of Addiscombe. Mike had two shots to deal with that he did so capably but we did not threaten at all even from the three short corners we won.

Chris Brewer tackles back

A rollicking at half time saw a completely different side come out after half time with us converting a short corner at the third attempt within a minute of the restart, Smudger popping the ball home after the first 2 of a series of excellent saves made by Addiscombe keeper in the second period. The game was not safe until Stuart Kirk scored his first for the club coming after a series of interchanges between our now dominant midfield and front runners with 15 minutes remaining. To their credit Addiscombe now came out of their half court tactic, forced a handful of shorts and were unlucky not to reduce our advantage when seeing a shot bounce off the post. Although we had 2 goals disallowed that on other days would have stood Ed C touched home another wonderful move and Stuart scored his second with a cracking reverse stick shot that gave the opposition keeper no chance following his heroics in the Addiscombe goal. He was in inspired form making 6 or 7 saves that he had no right to make.

Pressure but no goal

Three points to put us back on the winning trail but a quite dreadful first half – oh no, there I go again – but we proved we had the stomach for a fight by an excellent second half display. With seven games to go and five teams fighting for the promotion slots the season has a number of twists and turns to negotiate before the honours are decided. I must say that it was also a pleasure to have a good chat with two extremely engaging umpires in the bar after the game. David Knapp

Ladies XI XI v Purley - Lost 0-1

Mark Smith on the dribble

To avoid any complaints about our match report I will stick to the facts as a lot of swearing and abuse of the opposition on this website would be totally out of character … It was a clear sunny day. We had twelve players … Dora, House, Caz, May, Jax, George, Sarah H, Tux, Rosie, Hels, Ros and Katy. We dominated the game from the start, moving the ball round seamlessly from the back through to the mid-field and onto the forwards to create some great chances but just couldn’t convert. The half-time score was 0-0. We started the second half just as strong and then the wheels fell off. Two greens cards later (one for us and one for them) and we lost our concentration, gave away a short and allowed them to score off a rebound shot – shite! Whilst we did try to get our composure back we just couldn’t get the ball in the goal at the other end. The final score was 1-0 to Purley. Ok so the result didn’t reflect the game but we played well in what was an ill disciplined game from both sides and learnt a lot. Helen Hawes

2nd XI XI v Walton - Lost 2-3
The 2nd XI’s lingering hopes of catching Oxted disappeared in a scrappy match at Walton which we lost 2-3, mainly because we were two goals down before our goalkeeper arrived, a victim of Twickenham rugby traffic, poor map reading and some Porter-Fisk husband-wife in-car spats. Jon Heard was cajoled into playing kicking back, a role he decided was best fulfilled from an attacking midfield position. Fisk took up his place, his clean sheet ended while he was still miles from the ground, and promptly conceded one of his own, but from then on we took control. We pulled one back shortly before the break, and despite long periods of possession it took us until nine minutes form time before Johnny Briggs scored out second, after three excellent off-the-line clearances from Walton’s defenders. Tempers frayed, chat increased, Billy Smart became the first OC skipper yellow-carded for sarcasm and we ran out of time

3rd XI XI v Epsom– Won 2-1
A journey to Epsom where we won 8-0 last time could potentially become a banana skin for the mighty 3XI. Not to be disappointed by such clairvoyant predictions, we managed to make this one of the hardest wins of the season. With the unequivocal self-hate only equalled by Paris Hilton, the play was broken, weak and slow. Playing at the same level as a bottom of the league team, we went 1-0 up with a fine strike from Chaz from a short corner was only to be equalled by an unlucky goal from a received short corner.

Stu Steele was without question the best player on the pitch for the entire match and without him, this could have been a shockingly poor game – however, even with Dave L being unlucky not to convert from some one-on-ones, a winning goal from Abeed in the last minute of the game won us three points and an escape from jail. A game best moved on from and without question, Stu was the diamond in the rough and without question Man of the Match. Hopefully, we can improve from this performance as we are a better team than the one that walked off the pitch at the end of this shambles. James Armitage

4th XI v Staines- Won 4-2
Before we crack into telling more tall tales of daring do from the Mighty 4TH team’s encounter with Staines this week, we feel it only fair to get some facts straight. Over the last few days the editorial room has been stung by some harsh comments concerning the accuracy of this column. So let’s get these points straight!

1. Apparently the report concerning the second goal against Spencer last week was wrong, because as a certain OC midfielder put it ‘Harmer was obviously suffering from vision problems due the glaring chav footy boots he was wearing’. So just for you John, you did run the entire length of the pitch with the ball to score the winning goal, what a hero!
2. Will Thomson does not stick his head down the loo with bleach to achieve his dodgy hair do! Apparently he pays money to someone to achieve that just flushed look!
3. Tom Pollard is not a moody teenager (on Saturday’s at least) but for the sake of clarity Robin Crumby is a moody 30 something! According to an anonymous source he has even broken out in spots, isn’t that right GA?
4. Finally, Grant Archer has never previously been cruel to dumb animals especially Yorkshire Terrier puppies (Please note, I have not met all his ex-girlfriends...dumb or otherwise so this can not be fully confirmed) and for the record he did not have red paint splattered on the front of his house last week by the Canine Defence League! But just in case, lets all forget about the Rat Splattering episode!

Now with that sorted we can get to the action and you will be glad to know that the action is just as red hot as last week. When we played Staines last time it all went tits up as after controlling the game for long periods of time we only managed to score one goal to their five goals. This time we wanted revenge, this time we wanted a reversal of fortune and this time we actually played like a hockey team! We were also joined by a number of the Vets team as their game had been cancelled due to the rugby so many thanks to Tommy Trinder, Tony Jones, Jon Gray and Andrew Eve.

On the sidelines the pre match the banter was flowing well as we watch the 1st team in action and the executive team of Harmer and Tucker where instructing the forwards on tactics for the forthcoming game. We encouraged them to watch the OCHC first team centre forward a certain ‘Capt’ Stuart Kirk. Nick Jocelyn passed comment that he did not think much of said player’s skills in a particularly loud voice, thankfully two seconds later Capt Kirk turned on a sixpence and reversed undercut the ball past the keeper from the penalty spot. We all applauded and then laughed at Nick.

At the start both teams were cautious as Staines were trying to get their heads round playing on a beach and we were getting used to playing on Astro after the encounter on grass last Saturday. In the first 15 minutes it was end to end stuff with both teams pressing but with the OC’s definitely getting on top of the Staines. It was going to take something special to break the deadlock and then it happened as John Mulholland received the ball from Andrew Eve and by using pace and sheer power broke though the Staines back line. He finished with grace and aplomb by slotting it past the advancing keeper, what a hero AGAIN!*

We were one up and then we really started to dominate, as a cross from the right deflected off a defenders stick into the path of Nick Jocelyn who unleashed a Louis Strover style thunder bolt that flew past the petrified keeper! Then just before half time hard work by Dom Tucker on the goal line gave Andrew Eve space to let one fly that somehow ended up in the back of the goal. So it half time we were three up with lots of action left in us. In fact the only real issue we had was trying the shackle the ‘Vin Diesel looky likey’ on the Staines side who insisted on wearing a figure hugging white sports vest which looked like he had inflatable breasts underneath!**

With Nick Jocelyn agreeing to umpire the second half (on behalf of the team many thanks for that Nick) this created a front pairing Tony Jones and Will ‘the Teenager’ Thompson. It was not long before these two started to cause problems for Staines. The front pair created a short corner opportunity which was converted by Tommy Trinder lurking at the near post after a shot deflected off the keeper. We slightly lost focus as the opposition pulled one back after a short corner routine broke down into a mad scramble but we bounced straight back with Will Thompson finding space at the top of the D to get one round the keeper which Tony Jones then assisted to role across the line (Old habits die hard don’t they Tony!). We then extended the lead to 6-1 with excellent movement across the pitch from left to right and then back to the left which ended in the ball being placed across the goal in front of the keeper to which Will Thompson finished with a simple tap in. In the final 5 minutes Staines did get another but it was all over the final whistle and a well earned victory lifted us to 7th in the league so getting us further away from the bottom of the table.

*The editor can only confirm this is what happened when the video footage is examined by the 4th team executive board later this week!

** They could have been real breasts but I was not going to ask him!
Steve Harmer

January 27

1st XI XI v Bank of England – Lost 2-3
Our game plan was upset by Ed Breton finding himself unfit an hour before the start and so our central defensive pairing was disrupted for the first time this season. A good start was vital and this we had, playing the ball around and using the flanks and width well. Within the first 10 minutes we were one up as Nick Lewis cracked across the ball from the left, Smudger touched the ball onto the keeper and Gavin Adair rolled home the rebound. One nil should have been 2 or 3 but 2 acceptable chances were missed and Bank of Boks seized the opportunity and came back into the game by dominating our suddenly non existent midfield. From a short corner a slick move saw the scores levelled. At this point the umpire made a call that set his stall when he said “I have the cards and it is my game”. How prophetic this proved to be as a series of quite shocking decisions ( against both sides ) showed that the intent was for the players to play second fiddle to the umpire. Immediately after the equalizer we had a golden chance to regain the lead but a poor first touch in front of an open goal saw the chance squandered. B of B had a “goal” disallowed and that was the end of the goalmouth action for the first period. B of B were unlucky not to be ahead by the break.

At the start of the second half our midfield reappeared and we regained the lead with another Nick Lewis cross finding Pies who beat the keeper and Matt Cook was on hand to touch the ball across the line. The game was ours as the opposition became more stretched but we were unable to score the important third goal. We did make life difficult for ourselves by squandering 4 short corners and not choosing the right option at crucial times in the D. Sadly the result of the game hinged on 2 very bad decisions, the second quite shocking and probably the worst we will encounter all season. An attacking short saw Smudger roll the ball into the knees of a prostrate defender but although the umpire was no more than 2 feet away B of B broke out with Bruce making a clean tackle in our D only for a short to be given. Howls of derision from the touch line and 13 very amused B of B players. The same move that undid us in the first half did so again and we were level. 2 goals against from the same move and inside the near post was a real sucker punch. 2 minutes later we were 3 – 2 behind. We now started to play but could not break down the opposition.

Bank of B deserved their win as they wanted the game more but is was a shame that the turning point was the most calamitous umpiring decision of the season but from the start the umpire clearly wanted to influence the game.

Promotion is still in our hands so not all is lost and perhaps this game shows that we cannot just turn up to win. We did not dominate the midfield as we have done in most games this year and were naively unpicked by the crash ball through the middle of the park. This brings to an end our wonderful run but we have to pick ourselves up and return to our dominant best next week against Addiscombe. David Knapp

Ladies XI XI v UCL – Won 1-0
First things first, due to the lack of our match report last weekend (something to do with our captain being too hungover to write the report on Sunday following her 30th birthday celebrations) although we lost 2-1 to London Eds, our fighting spirit was back again, it was a close game and Sarah Ussher making a cameo appearance travelling up from Portsmouth scored our only goal. It was a great team performance which we were determined to take through to our game this week against Uni of London.

Prior to the match in a blonde moment, our captain decided to attack into the sun (obviously old age is getting to her!), but this didn’t deter us from the task at hand – three points in the bag and the end to our string of losses. We went out hard and pretty soon were dominating the first half. We had some great play, several near misses, several shots saved by the Uni’s giant keeper and even a goal disallowed. It was at 0-0 near the end of the first half with London Uni piling on the pressure that our captain redeemed herself when she cleared an airborne ball, headed for the back of the net, off the line! Close call, but it didn’t phase us as we pushed up, our steady defenders, Ros ‘the rock’ of our defence, Tux, George and Hels driving our attack from the back, but to no avail, finishing the first half 0-0.

Keeping up the momentum going into the second half, it took us only 26 seconds to break the deadlock! From the push back, Vicky to Sarah ‘the tan’ Hardyman, to Tux at the back, firing the ball down the wing to May who legged it down the pitch, blasting the ball into the ‘D’ which was picked out by Dora sweeping in out of nowhere to finish it off superbly! 1-0 and a much deserved goal at last! Uni of London kept up the pressure, but so did we pushing for another goal to secure our win with some awesome balls into the D from Caz and some more near misses from House and Dora, partnered with some excellent attacking and defending short corners from both sides, and Katy pulling out her share of excellent saves! The highlight of the second half however came from a quick lesson from the oppo’s umpire on how to perform a bully off! Both teams looked on in bemusement as the lesson was completed and George and her opposite player managed to successfully complete the bully! Well done George! The game finished 1-0 and it’s great to return to winning ways, an excellent, passionate team performance! Well done ladies! Jax Joyce

2nd XI XI v Barnes IIIA – Drew 4-4
If the 1st XI found themselves up against half of South Africa, the 2nd XI found out where the other more fractious, petty and niggly half had set up camp … at Barnes. A match between two skilful sides was often spoiled by backchat and petulance from our colonial cousins, although they were so skilled at it (must be a generic trait) that they kept just within limits so it was annoying more than anything too serious. The game itself was entertaining and evenly balanced, although Barnes’ defence went to sleep for four minutes midway through the half and shipped three goals, one each to Preston, John Davies and a gift to Bruce. The second half continued in the same way, Barnes pulling one back on 45 minutes only for Davies, slipped a slick pass by Nish, to restore the three-goal lead. Barnes again came back hard, but with Grimes, Smart and Porter in good form, and Heard and Khurshid solid as ever at the back, no more goals seemed likely. But in the last three minutes we fell apart. We were rattled by a third goal but as the clock ran down we had possession and looked calm … then we gave it away, put in two weak tackles and conceded a soft, scrambled goal with seven seconds remaining. On the balance we deserved the win, but Barnes got their reward for pushing for the full 70 minutes, not just 67.

3rd XI XI v Guildford – Won 4-1
We travelled down the A3 to face Guildford Shadows expecting a challenging game and smuggly drove back up the A3 with a 4-1 win. Although a couple of players short and Jock was seen running to the game to just make it on time after car problems the game started with the glorious January sun to our backs. The first 10 minutes meant that we were getting used to a bouncy Guildford waterbased, but with some excellent composure and structure built through the line-up, we started to find our pace and distribution with ball speed began to find its way. Tissy and Neil were looking threatening going forward with some strong ball control from Neil started to test the Guildford defence. Charlie O and Duncan held the attacks coming dominantly route one and excellent distribution up the wings meant that it wasn't long before Tissy chased the ball down and with a run behind the defence by Doug, we were unlucky not to go up early on. As the game developed we showed excellent resilance and although Tissy was unlucky not to score himself, we went ahead with a excellent goal from Charlie at 1-0. The first half continued and Doug linked well with Jock to beat three right sided Guildford players to smack the ball across the D for Dave L to turn the ball into the back of the net with a reverse hit, 2-0.

The first half continued and Guildford found their way a little but some excellent tackles made by Stu at the back and Dan K clearing the ball on several occassions, attacks were limited and although Nigel once again pulled off an excellent save towards the end of the half it was Adams slap tackle that took the ball while being two feet behind the defender meaning a swing and a miss was the rounding tackle of the first half. A rousing half-time talk from injured captain Armitage (well as rousing as they usually are!) was only surpassed by the water fountains that stopped as Stu ran underneath as it completed dumping the remaining water onto him, obviously going for the wet look.

The second half started exceptionally well with the ball being passed back to Duncan, and with a following build up a strike from Neil drove home the advantage to take us to 3-0. Although the centre of the park had already seen some altercations, Charlie O and Duncan took some physical abuse as we continued to push our advantage however it was Stu and Dan K composure at the back that kept Guildford at bay and attacks still going in the right direction. Attacks continued and from short corners although we were unsuccessful from the first shot, Charlie O put his second away to take us to 4-0. With about 10 minutes remaining Dougie came back on and CD went back to right back and although some composure was found a great reverse tackle from the right back wasn't enough to have a short corner in the last minute prevented and we were unlucky to conceed a goal. A deserved win and Man of the Match was a close call but Dan Knowles was the man of the day with some silky skills and clinical tackling being a massive contributor for breaking down Guildford and contributing to the solidarity of the team's structure. James Armitage

4th XI XI v Spencer – Won 2-1
That’s right, its back, after two weeks out enjoying the grass covered slopes of the French Alps (and that’s no joke), Harmer’s column returns to tell the truth about the ‘daring do’ of the OCHC 4th team. We are not ones to disappoint here in the editorial room and frankly this week’s match is an absolute stunner! We have entitled this report as ‘The OC Lions, The Russian and the Grass Pitch Miracle!’ As 12 men went onto the pitch and at the end twelve lions came off, we had an encounter with a member of the Russian glitterati and frankly we achieved a miracle on the pitch! The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult for the 4th team as some bad luck and injury / social commitments have ravaged the squad which has had the obvious result of leading to a couple of bad losses. According to some website editors we are destined for a relegation dogfight but we are made of sterner stuff and after the performance this week, we know that we have the players and talent to pull through.

Before we crack into the action it is essential to put the game into perspective. We desperately needed points from the match and Spencer are in the top three of the division. Our squad although strengthened was still not really at full strength but you have to work with what you have as they say. Then we get hit with the bomb shell, ‘Spencer’s home pitch is actually grass!’ Yes, grass not astro, just grass! That’s right the stuff you played on at school which knackers your chances of using any skills and ensures the ball flies up at your legs, chest and head at every opportunity! Not unsurprisingly Spencer has not lost at home for over four years as they always play on grass. Even with the team being led by the Grant ‘Luckiest Captain in the Club’ Archer the situation did not look good as on average the last time the 4th team played on grass was at least four years ago!

Therefore we did the best we could and our 2pm pitch report on Friday identified that we need to be wearing football boots. This sent the team into a flurry of activity with many searching the back of cupboards for said football boots, with a few taking the step of nipping down to a sport store to purchase the latest in Footy technology. When we lined up on the pitch the team insisted on sunglasses to restrict the reflection off Harmer’s shiny Astral Blue Chav boots! A nasty rumour has also been circulated that Capt Archer did not actually own a pair of football boots, did not buy some but still turned up wearing a pair. The alleged truth is that he was actually borrowing his fiancé boots for the occasion, which frankly raises a number of questions that would take a world-class psychologist weeks to answer!

From the off, Spencer put us under a full press and our defence was being asked all sort of questions but Archer, Crumby and Pollard stood firm, knowing that they had a pumped up Nige Hawes in goal showing the resilience and aggression of his predecessor Dave ‘The Wall’ Goodchild. However Spencer had assumed we required lengthy periods of possession to score a goal. Alas we knew that we are best on the counter attack and once again we proved this point. On occasion the defence managed to break the opposition’s ring and we released the ball to our flighty wingers Mark (Oxo) Oxbrough and the speedy Bertie Bance. A quick counter attack found the ball at the feet of Oxo who sped up the right wing then crossing it across the D finding James Dowler, who found Bertie, who intelligently knocked it back to Will Thompson on the spot who slipped the ball under the advancing keeper. We were one-nil up and Spencer where stunned into silence. However we knew that the pressure on our goal was only going to increase and it was not long before the opposition forced us into conceding a series of short corners. Shorts corners on grass are never easy for both sides and one shot flew past our keeper and defence at shoulder height. Spencer started to celebrate but thankfully the umpire disallowed the goal which only incensed the opposition. As you can imagine the match temperature started to rise and Spencer started to lose focus which the OC’s maintained clarity of thought and controlled their aggression.

At this point it’s worth mentioning that two OC WAGS joined the team on Saturday to offer support from the sidelines. Sophie and Amy were dressed stylishly but in line with the cold conditions with thick coats, hats and gloves. Half way through the 1st half the game literally stopped as a Russian ‘Paris Hilton Wantabe’, obviously the latest beau of a Spencer player, strutted her stuff along the side lines in stiletto healed boots, short shirt and fake (we hope) fur wrap. Alas she could not afford Paris’s signature Chihuahua but the budget had stretched to a Yorkshire terrier puppy! As she sauntered down the side of the clubhouse next to the pitch making her way to spectator area with the ‘Rat on the rope’ in tow. Grant Archer (in the left back position) was in control of the ball and was under pressure from two Spencer players. Following the Alan Hanson school of ‘If in doubt, get it out’, he struck the ball firmly towards the sidelines which homed in on the ‘Rat on a rope’ like a heat seeking Sidewinder missile! The resulting effect can only be categorized under the term ‘Shock and Awe”, we all went ‘Awe No’ as the ball struck the ‘Shocked Rat on the Rope’ splattering it up against the club house. Grant sheepishly picked up the ball, wiped the rat splat on the grass and carried on with the game. Who ever said that he was a warm hearted man!?!

At half time we had kept a clean sheet and were certainly in better shape than the Spencer team who were bitching at each other and must have started to wonder what they would have to do to score. The second half started much like the first with Spencer encamped in our half and forced a series of short corners that tested the OC defence to the limit. If it was not for the valiant keeping of Nige Hawes in goal we would have capitulated much sooner. The Spencer forward line finally got a break through when a deflected shot went past the sprawling Hawes in goal.

In previous weeks this might have signalled the start of end for the 4th team but not this week, not this day and not in this match. We picked ourselves up and got back into the battle calling on at times superhuman energy and skills, thankfully we consistently repelled wave after wave of the Spencer hordes bearing down on our goal. This was exemplified by our midfield duo of Rob Jonker and John Mulholland who through brute force and tenacity over powered the Spencer midfield into surrender.

It was going to take something special to break the deadlock and it happened with about 10 minutes to go to full time. A quick counter attack move found Harmer (and Shiny Chav boots) with the ball who released it to Mark Oxo, who found space on the wing. James Dowler (suffering with a pulled calf) summoned up strength and pace to break down the right wing and Oxo seeing the move released the ball into space ahead of him. The break was on and Will Thompson sped into the oppositions D pulling the remaining two defenders in his direction. James got the ball under control and looked up to see the charging figure of John Mulholland powering up the pitch (from our D) looking like Roy Keane or Bryan Robson in their prime! The cross came from Dowler finding John at the top of the D who received the ball behind him on his reverse stick and dragged the ball into the D. An advancing keeper closed down the angle but not before John undercut the ball past him into the gapping goal! We, for a lack of a better term, went mental, mental Chicken Oriental with joy and Spencer went mental at each other in sheer frustration.

The last ten minutes were fraught with some more good saves from Nige ‘Kevlar’ Hawes, Robin ‘The Rock’ Crumby, Grant ‘Iceman’ Archer and Tommy ‘Gun’ Pollard. In the final three minutes we brought on our secret weapon, our very own grass pitch specialist (as in he last played hockey on grass at the Bournemouth festival), the one and thankfully only ‘Charging Adrian Cope’ who replaced the crippled Dowler. At the final whistle we celebrated and Spencer left the pitch asking ‘how the hell they had just lost a four-year unbeaten home record?!’. If you have managed to get this far and finish this tale of daring do, then you are probably as knackered as we were but just like all the 4th team on Sunday morning you’ll have a smile on your face from ear to ear! You just can’t write sports magic but we do our best! Just like the Mighty 4th Team!Steve Harmer

January 20

1st XI XI v Camberley – Won 11-0

Nutmeg courtesy of Rob Merry

Gavin I am sorry if last week’s match report was not published quickly enough. I accept that five hours from the end of the match is far too long. After last week’s excellent performance there was always a chance that this match would be one after the Lord Mayor’s show. A sign of how far we have come is that we talked a good talk before the game and then played as near perfect a first half as one could wish. Having settled down after 10 minutes we promptly scored nine in the next 25 and allowed Camberley but one shot that was their sum total for the match. Mike, ever alert saved well.

A split between open play and short corner goals saw three from Knapp, two from Adair and one each from Smudger, Will, Ed Breton and Eds. Good to see Eds back on the score sheet and probably due to Sophie being on the side lines. We stuck to our patterns and played some wonderful stuff in a series of power plays with our fluidity even allowing Ed Breton to flick home an excellent shot when coming through from the sweeper position.

The second half was always going to be tighter as Camberley have character and showed their intent by being far more positive. We only had two goals to show for our possession with Smudger and Adair adding two good finishes. I may have lost Will’s goal somewhere so perhaps we did win by 12 ? Anyhow, 12 wins in the last 13 is a good return and the next three games will define our season with the ever difficult Bank of England next up. This will invariably be a difficult match as our games against them always prove to be. David Knapp

January 13

1st XI XI v UCL Academicals – Won 4-1

Will Stephens congratulated on the crucial second goal

We needed a win and we delivered in relatively emphatic fashion. UCL took the game to us in the first 10 minutes and Mike was forced into making two very good saves to continue his run of very good form. From that point on UCL rarely threatened our goal and found it difficult to work out our structure and the fluidity of the players. Eventually our hard work produced the result we had been seeking with a short corner cracked home by Mark Smith which was perhaps fortunate to take a deflection from the UCL runner. Fair to say we did not put the opposition’s keeper under any real pressure but did have the balance of the first half.

The second goal of the match was always going to be crucial and it can our way when Will Stephens cracked home a short corner from one of his specials. The next corner was also converted with David Knapp picking up a rebound off the keeper and with 18 minutes to go that seemed to be it. However UCL at last came into the game and sensing some uncertainty in our play pressed forward. Our midfield who had worked tirelessly all day was suddenly under pressure but the defence held firm. Matt Cook was unlucky to make it 4 – 0 with a cracking shot that bounced off the cross bar and from the resultant attack UCL obtained their just reward with a well hit reverse-stick shot that beat Mike. UCL forced two more short corners which Mike dealt with comfortably before Smith finished off a well worked move to make it 4 – 1 and wrap up the points.

The result now puts us up to second and once again puts matters into out own hands. Once again the defence was superb although the only downside of the match was Bruce picking up an injury that rules him out for next week. As has been shown throughout this season we now have plenty of back-up and so his loss will be covered. Some excellent performances from Nick Lewis, Ed Copleston – his best game of the season to date – and Matt Cook all of which augurs well for the remainder of the season. David Knapp

2nd XI XI v UCL Academicals – Won 2-0

Nick Lewis fires just wide

The 2nd XI kept their place in the top four with a 2-0 win over UCL Academicals, a goal in each half enough to see of an opposition who squandered the chances they did create. While Oxted seem to have enough points and class to secure the title, the result really puts us in the mix at the top. We dominated the first half, with UCL limited to a few breakaways and one shot on target. Johnny Briggs, who started the day poleaxing an innocent passer by on his way to watch the rugby in the warm-up, cracked home a super strike on nine minutes to give us lead - with a shout of “Now that’s a goal” – but we failed to make the most of some excellent chances. UCL came back well after the break, but tight defence from Jon Heard and Chris Porter restricted their opportunities, and the one goal-bound shot they did produce was superbly stopped midair and cleared by James Mawson. Both defences remained solid, but we sealed the game seven minutes from time when a Billy Smart short-corner strike was niftily deflected home by Man of the Match Neil Grimes. Martin Williamson

3rd XI XI v Surrey University – Won 6-3

David Knapp celebrates the third goal ... the appearance of Knapp, Stephens and Mark Smith on the scoresheet was a throwback to a golden era when we played regional hockey and Stephens had some hair

We strutted back onto a hockey field following an unquestionable alcoholic christmas and new year. Short of six players due to skiing and family obligations (rumours of a squad recruitment expedition are unfounded) a grafted team made life a little hard for ourselves with a 6-3 win over the Surrey University. The game started with an apparent domination over the tax-dodging students with Neil utilising some fabulous skills as well as passing (shocking I know) to set Tissy and Dave L on some excellent moves. A goal swiflt confirmed that we could dominate the game; things changed! 1-0. The central midfield of Rich L and Mr November 05 (J Armitage Exq) lacked experience of playing in such positions together (those sniggering need to seek help!) which resulted in the Uni taking advantage of a lack of communication and space to move quickly. A resulting quick ball caught an overwhelmed defence on the wrong foot to concede an unfortunate equaliser. With a strategic change in the pre-mentioned void, a structured approach took hold and with some excellent basic skills of triangles and ball speed, a second goal shortly followed taking us to 2-1. For some reason, best known by the gods, we then stepped back again and let the Uni take advantage and a sloppy structure again let an easy attack develop into a goal.

The second half, inspired by a rousing team talk that has appeared to lack in the England rugby and cricket dressing rooms of late, stepped the game up and with excellent runs up the right flank from Tissy supported by John Davies (not of the Christian Davies clan) who started to man mark the Uni's No. 7 which quelling their attacks, took an early lead in the second half at 3-2. The match then started to settle and some fluid movement of the ball and excellent runs meant that we were able to build from the back with Simon Luckett at center back having threatening surges and Chaz and Jock using some handy stick skills to dominate the flanks. Although we faced some short corners, Nigel Smith, who had superbly kept us in the game in the first half, once again proved his formidable presence by keeping the ball out. Neil started to shine up front with some skillful dribbling and taking the Kevin Pieterson approach of YIMGJAM (yeah I'm good, just ask me) started to take on four players which fantastically culminated with him giving the ball to one of their defenders who was so bemused with the situation that he allowed Neil to take the ball straight off the end of stick, dribble past another player to score - 4-2! Dave L, who was himself having an excellent game, had an interesting move where he picked the ball up at the centre point on the 25 yard line, ran to the left corner taking the entire Uni defence with him, smacked the ball across for Chaz to reverse stop, beat two players on the penalty spot and slip the ball away for 5-2. John Davies completed our scoring, but the Universirty, without a point all season, brought it back to 6-3. Man of the Match was Nigel - errors, omissions should hopefully be forgiven as this report is written from a blackberry on a plane and the BA staff don't seem to be happy with this spin, so perhaps time to switch this off! James Armitage The purpose of this sign-off was to show that Armitage owns a Blackberry (so does Davies) and that he flies to work on BA (so does Joan Collins)

December 16

3rd XI XI v Croydon MO – Won 4-3
We played the final game of this half of the season against Croydon, a match which had been delayed from earlier in the season due to administration errors. None-the-less we were able to claw back the one point deducted (justification still as disputed as Duncan Fletcher's team selections) by winning 4-3. The game commenced with the ball being moved quickly through the midfield with some excellent movement up the right flank especially. The game was a little end-to-end to start with but after 20 minutes and some line up tinkering, Abeed picked the ball up, beat the Croydon defence and crashed the ball past the advancing keeper from the top of the D.

CD now remembering which end of the stick to hold following a heavy night – one which meant that his heavily-pregnant wife had had to drive him to the pitch - had a excellent pass to Chris Tiss who ran the ball from left central midfield, beat three Croydon players to flick the ball into the back of the Croydon net. Half time approached with Jock having some good interlinking play with Doug and Neil and Preston making their presence felt among the Croydon defence.

We started the second half strongly, and after 10 minutes, a notably out of position Armitage drew a defender and slipped the ball to Neil who drilled the ball into the back of the net to take us to 3-0. At this point however, we started to rest on out laurels, which considering we were 3-0 up last season and drew 4-4 wasn't the wisest choice, and conceded a well-worked short-corner routine. Things got a little better when Preston scored from a short corner of our own … however Martin Williamson's Christmas came early when Stu was caught last man standing and utilising all his experience, body checked, stick tackled and then obstructed the forward … with a song and smile, Martin banished Stu to the corner with a yellow card. Some ungenerous short corner decisions (stop whinging Armo – Ed) led to two more goals conceded in quick succession took the score to 4-3. With 80 seconds remaining, we held onto the ball although with five seconds left Armo gave the ball away in a school boy fashion further emphasising the need to conclude the game for him after he had been hit twice in the body by the hockey ball.

Man of the Match went to Chris Tiss and I'm sure we will never hear the end of Tiss’s wonder goal. Well played to Duncan and Abeed, and Happy Xmas to all … and if we could have the point back from the league we would be second instead of second equal. James Armitage

December 9

1st XI XI v NPL – Won 5-2
Five weeks ago we targeted 15 points from the last five games and ideally wished UCL to beat OWs in the last game before the break. Satisfyingly both were achieved and we are two points behind UCL and three behind OW’s – all to play for after Christmas. Today’s game was one of the best performances of the year so far. We controlled the first half but were level pegging 2–2 at the break having been 2–0 up after 15 minutes. Some misreading of the team sheet on Thursday left us two short at the appointed meet time but a full compliment at the start of the match. One area we have to improve upon is professionalism in the form of timekeeping. Players turning up late put unnecessary pressure on Will and Eds who need to concentrate on their game rather than worrying about chasing players to be on time.

From the start of the match we played the ball around wonderfully and Pies continued his remarkable goal scoring record touching home a Daddy Smith pass following a good build up and fine work from Daddy along the base line. Five minutes later we were two up with Ed Breton picking up the ball on our goal line, shipping it out left with the ball being shelled up the line where Pies and Gavin linked up to set up Cato who had the simple task of slotting the ball home from the top of the D – a curate’s egg being his first 1st XI goal. Our aim in this match was to put shots on target and this we did but once again came up against a goal keeper in inspired form even though we did not make the most of our short corners and chances. Having threatened very little NPL snatched a goal 15 minutes from half time following some sloppy defensive work and from a deflected short corner on the stroke of half time levelled the scores.

To our credit we did not panic and stuck to our game plan of playing the same way as we had done in the first half knowing chances would come and come they did. Pies finished off well after good quick interchanging by the midfield and Knapp struck from the top of the D after Gavin Adair set him up after another excellent build up from a defensive position. We at last scored from a short corner as Daddy rolled home a drag flick into the bottom corner, well, dribbled home the ball under the keeper – plenty more dribbling from Leo to keep his Dad busy all Christmas. NPL’s keeper’s luck changed in the second half making 3 mistakes for the 3 goals but by exerting enough pressure we made this happen. Cato took the Man of the Match with his tireless work and after a stuttering start he is now playing the best hockey he has played for the ones with his absence last week showing us what he brings to the table. In the last 10 minutes we picked up three injuries ands played the last few minutes with 10 men but now have a month to allow the knocks to and strains to heal before the big one against UCL on the January 13.

An excellent first half to the season but still a huge amount to do if we want to achieve promotion. There are things we need to work on and must do so quickly to avoid being frustrated at the end of the season. The improved discipline has been a major benefit and with us likely to be under massive pressure in certain games after the break we must not regress. Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all who read this and see you in 2007. David Knapp

Ladies XI v Barnes – Lost 0-1
Well someone had to burst our bubble and beat us in the league… so we were kind and let Barnes get three points to help them out at the bottom of the table. We could come up with all manner of excuses but it really came down to the alien invasion prior to the game which resulted in our ability to play decent hockey, until the last 20 minutes of the game disappear. Further evidence of the alien invasion was evident at the Ladies & 4th XI men’s night out at Wimbledon Dog Track when Rosie, Caz and Sarah Hardimann were overhead discussing how the greyhounds agree who has won a race when it is a dead heat …”Do you think they play ‘paper, scissors, stones’ with their paws or tongues”… the creative minds of the team is outstanding!

Seriously, Saturday was one of those days when it just didn’t come together and it was our wake up call but hey who would have thought we would have got this far given where we were at this time last season. So a big congrats to the hard efforts of all the girls and to Duncan for continually drilling us hard (please scrap any fifthly thoughts you may have now he is a married man!). So bring on the next half of the season … girlies keep yourselves fit over the next four weeks and have a super break. Merry Christmas to all our readers…

3rd XI v UCL Academicals – Won 1-0
A derby ensued for the 3XI with a game against ground sharing UCL Academicals so with minimal excuses about not knowing the ground and getting lost, a tight game ensued, culminating in a 1-0 victory. We starting with UCL only having nine men with two men to join later and a delay of 15 minutes for their umpire to appear. Although they reminded us of the 3rdXI a few seasons ago, we took advantage and closed the UCL in and gave them minimal space and time on the ball. It wasn't long before a tightened UCL defence made an error allowing Chaz to turn on the defender and flick the ball into the top left side netting. The rest of the half was only notable in that 11 men faced us about 15 minutes into the game and Jock gallantly ran at some point, we went into the half 1-0 up.

The second half was slightly more attacking and Duncan made some excellent runs up the flanks providing support to Tissy and CD but some lack of switching play and several players insistence on trying to beat two players at one go meant that Stu, Abeed, Adam and Simon at the back were all forced to put in some crucial tackles as well as Nigel keeping the ball out of the back of the net. UCL did manage a short corner however having the same luck as our own movements, no joy came from it.

Although some moments of excellent play and distribution, we were slightly unimaginative in distribution and fitness once again reared itself as a problem in the middle of the park. Towards the end of the half, Jock had an instintive reverse flick saved and Tissy and Duncan had some opportune moments in the right corner, the game finished on 1-0 win, three points and keeping us snuggling in the running for promotion. Some excellent play from Nigel again and Simon doing an great job at right back, Man of the Match went to goal scorer Chaz. James Armitage

4th XI v Barnes Beavers – Won 3-2
During some months Harmer's column really does struggle for witty puns and cunning commentary because lets be honest, there is nothing funny about teams like Walton & Weybridge who sport a chav attack! Then some weeks, we can hardly control ourselves in the editorial room when the last fixture before the Christmas break is away to Barnes Beavers! We had to pinch yourselves especially when you see them lining up wearing bright pink shirts! True to their name some of the opposition were complete beavers and rather irritating!

After a glorious win last week we were keen to maintain our winning formation and personnel but by mid week we realised we were going to be lacking defenders as Grant Archer was missing in wedding planning action! Thankfully Robin 'The Rock' Crumby negotiated with her in doors to miss the setting up of his son Jake's 4th birthday party ensuring that he was available for the fixture. So Jake, all the 4th team would like to thank you for letting your dad play on Saturday as we would not have won without him! We also (sort of) welcomed back Mark Oxbrough who returned from a month's holiday in Australia sporting a....lets be honest...teletubby beer gut to rival Bernard Manning's!

As you can imagine the banter was flowing on the side lines but stopped suddenly when we inspected the quality of the pitch. It was a new type of water-based astro which normally would have been a joy alas as the venue was located next to the Thames in Chiswick the local duck, swan and geese population had been using the pitch as a landing strip. Consequently the heavy rain had turned the pitch into a swamp of liquidised duck poo! It was going to be a dirty match and that before we started to consider the manners of the opposition.

As Captain Bertie led the team into battle both team arranged themselves in formation and eyed up the opposition. The OC back line of Mark Oxo, The Rock, Tom Pollard and Harmer began to snigger as we realised that the Beaver front line consisted of two X factor rejects with bleach blonde hair and sunbed tans! In fact one could say we faced two very dodgy beavers who both suffered from little man disease. As the match started we realised it was going to be a physical encounter and both teams were flying into the battle. Thankfully the OC's started to find their feet and started to stick it to the beavers and amusingly the 'B Factor' front line were more interested in sliding and rolling in the goose poo slurry, which ended up with Tom, Robin and Oxo man marking some very dirty beaver.

Nige Hawes, although with little to do, insisted on verbally bashing any beaver that came near him with some spectacular vocal fireworks that would make a sailor blush! Consequently the two mucky beavers never stepped foot inside our D! The game was an end to end affair with both team coming close but it seemed that slowly and surely the OC's began to control the game with the midfield of Bertie, John Mulholland, Ron Jonker and Dom Tucker imposing themselves. Just before half time hard work by the forward line saw JD pull a beaver out wide so leaving Louis Strover to burst between two shabby beavers and sent a thunderbolt past the poo encrusted beaver keeper!

At the start of the second half we needed to keep the beavers under control and we certainly kept the pressure on with some excellent runs by Dom Dom Tucker and Bertie Bance down the right and left flanks respectively. It certainly started to work with and suddenly a fantastic run by Dom down the right wing that took him to and along the byline. After whipping round the back to a big beaver he slipped the ball between another beaver's legs to Louis Strover. Louis dribbled around two players and past the beaver keeper on the floor and then smashed one into the beaver backboard!

At two up we began to tire and alas Barnes managed to convert a chance after a quick counter attack but thankfully for the OC's the best was still to come. A quick 16 from Harmer slipped the ball to Tom Pollard, who hit it to Dom Tucker, then onto Louis Strover who set Will Thompson free between two flat foot beavers! Will took control of the ball and slipped it past the keeper with experience well beyond his years. As the clock ran down Barnes caught us on the break but it was too little too late and at the final whistle we recorded another win with the score at 3-2! A jubilant 4th team left the pitch with a spring in their step followed by some extremely unhappy, miserable duck poo covered beaver! All those in the 4th team would like to wish to the rest of the OCHC's a very merry Christmas and happy new year! Steve Harmer (as if you didn't know!)

December 2

1st XI XI v University of London – Won 3-0

Pies: 15th goal in 10 matches

London turned up with 10 men and so this should have been a routine victory. However a sluggish approach to the game was mirrored by a sluggish performance where we did not really play until about 10 minutes from half time. Mike in goal was once again Man of the Match for a wonderful performance. How he has changed in the last few weeks from being the quiet man of the team to a dominant force - three clean sheets in his last five games is an indication of his increased confidence and improvement. Had he not been on hand to deal with the threats presented by a spirited London side we could have struggled badly. As it was a 2–0 score at half time with a well-worked goal from Pies involving a good break by Chris Brewer and a deflection by Knapp from a Bruce Davies cross gave us the breathing space we needed. However the first half was best forgotten.

The second period at least saw us increase the tempo and the slick passing that has proved so valuable this season but it was not until Mark Smith nudged home a loose ball that the game was wrapped up for sure. 3 – 0 looks a comfortable win but we have to reflect on a zero return from our short corners that were ineffective and the astonishingly poor conversion of good chances when it seemed easier to score than not. Fair to say it is not easy to play well against a side who pack their defence but we are better players than the ones who failed to put the opposition's goal under real pressure when numerically superior when breaking out at pace from defence.

Mark Smith on the charge

One more game until the break and then the big one on resumption after Christmas against UCL which will give us an indication of our season’s fate. We aimed to win all the games after the OWs match and win next week and we achieve our objective that will put us either one point ahead of UCL and in second place or three points behind the leaders OWs with our destiny in our own hands. This game was a sign of how far we have progressed with our being disappointed at a comfortable win knowing that we should have buried the opposition by far more than 3 goals.David Knapp

Ladies v Reigate – Drew 1-1
Reigate Priory were our oppo this weekend, whilst they were lying fifth in the league their results so far showed that they weren’t going to be an easy team. We did our usual of staring on the back foot … no matter what Duncan tries to do sometimes we are just utterly useless at the start of a game – brains just don’t seem to engage! So it wasn’t long before we thought it would be more interesting to make the game harder for ourselves and conceded a goal within four minutes – brill! Normally after these lapses of concentration we take control of the game, score and all is fine but for some reason we just couldn’t get ourselves sorted this week and were all over the place. Everything we have be training hard to get together - i.e. ball pace and short, sharp passes – just weren’t coming together and it felt like we were constantly defending following silly mistakes. Katy took on the team’s kamikaze role making some fantastic saves to most definitely keep us from going further behind. Then five minutes before the final whistle we suddenly found our game as we started to pass the ball and create some chances – thank Christ.

Ed Breton surges down the wing

With the half time over we spent the second half trying to get the equaliser and avoid conceding another goal. There was some strong play all round from the team and we soon learnt if we were going to get the ball we were going to have to go in hard for every 50:50 and win them – they were definitely one of the most physical teams we have played so far (Helen is polite … several were chavs – Ed). The equaliser eventually came as May kept her composure to shoot the ball in the back of the goal following a deflection off the keeper – just what we needed to steady the rising nerves. The team remained rock steady in defence right through to end of the game defending what seemed like a never ending number of short corners … but if you do telegraph were you are going to send them what do you expect! The final whistle eventually came to leave the final score 1-1, our unbeaten league run in tact and a point … which is enough to keep us top of the league as other results went in out favour! Oh and card happy Williamson was out in force again - giving a much bemused Tux a green card for dissent – only she didn’t have any idea what she had done … still firmly hungover from the night before! (er … she must have been hungover … she was carded for hitting the ball away!) Helen Hawes

November 25

1st XI XI v Surrey University – Won 7-1

Vikki Mottram fires in a shot during the Ladies' 2-1 win at Old Georgians

A good start, poor middle, good end and this was not the selection of the team! A number of unavailabilities and a last minute cry offs saw Tissy coming in at the 11th hour. We started in a very commercial mood zipping the ball about and scoring from our second short when Gavin A’s shot just about crossed the line. Having said before the game that we must play the ball around we fell into the trap of attacking down the middle and being picked off. Indeed, but for some wonderful goal keeping from Mike who was deservedly the man of the match and yet more big tackles we could easily have gone into half time level. As it was, a shuffle of personnel and back to our tried and tested formation saw us created a wonder goal, going from one end of the pitch to the other in seconds with four touches of the ball the last of which saw Gavin deflect home his second.

The talk at half time centred around us not attacking down the middle and so to show we had listened from our push back at the start of the second half we attacked down … er … the middle, lost the ball and Surrey Uni won a short corner from which they scored. They were now back in it but only for a couple of minutes. Smudger scored at the second attempt from our next short, Mike made four more excellent saves, one double save being from the top of top drawers and the game was safe. From this point onwards we played expansive hockey and turned the screw. Mark Selby notched two, Gavin completed his hat trick and Knapp deflected home a Matt Cook cross. However 7 – 1 could easily have been far more but for profligate finishing. Had the skipper not been watching England lose at Twickenham and given the practice balls a day out there as well, dick of the day would have been a tricky decision. Nevertheless one cannot be too critical of a 7 – 1 win and it keeps us in the mix.

Mark Selby has now notched 14 in nine games which must put him at the top of the goal scoring charts - which has not been seen for some weeks – and his contribution is taken for granted but is so very important. However Mike in goal was a revelation today with his calling and positional sense outstanding.

Ladies XI v Old Georgians – Won 2-1
This week we played Old Georgians which was always going to be the grudge match of the season … they had an old score to settle following their cup final defeat a couple of years ago and some player transfers over the summer meant that both sides had a insight into each others key players. We dominated the game from start as we had all the possession and our fighting talk before the game was coming through. As we showed our dominance we were able to get shots on goal but the OGs keepers (aka Jules) did well to block out our opportunities. Eventually the break did come through Jax as she picked up the ball in the D, took a shot and followed the rebound up with a sweeping reverse shot to take us one up. With the lead now in our hands this should have been plain sailing but the free flowing play we had shown in the weeks before was being firmly thwarted by a bouncy pitch which we just couldn’t get to grips with. As the ball kept dancing off our sticks we allowed OGs to settle down and use their speed ‘n’ skill of their younger players to take on our defence. The communications of the defensive line stayed strong but a short corner awarded outside the D(!) led OGs to equalise … bugger!

Midfield supremo

With the score still 1-1 after the half-time break we needed to keep our heads as this was proving to be the difficult game we always knew it could be. Partly brought on by the fact that as we haven’t lost a game all league season we were mentally heaping too much pressure on ourselves … we needed to relax (easily said)!!! Our break eventually came as we won a short corner and Sarah H kept her head and from a straight strike smashed the ball into the bottom right-hand corner – 1-2, phew! That said the game continued to be played in both halves right to the end …we had our chances to get further ahead but we also had to defend hard, through double marking their strongest players, to make sure they didn’t get level. We did eventually relax but only after the final whistle … but the great news is that we walked away with the three points, through great team work, and we are still TOP of the league … well done girlies... make sure you celebrate this one in style!

3rd XI v Richmond – Won 2-1
We fought to a well earned 2-1 win over promotion competitors Richmond on arguably the bounciest water base in the south of England. Inspired by the return of Preston Rutt, we stepped onto a well-watered pitch following the downpour earlier in the day. With a few players absent with apologies (except Norris who never keeps us informed!) the game pushed back with the simplistic of touches very quickly becoming somewhat troublesome.

neat control from Dora

Richmond controlled the game for the first 15 minutes with some fast ball and releasing runs however Nigel between the posts and Stu holding the structure in defence, attacks were broken down and play moved into a less threatening position. Although some hairy moments when the ball hit the inside of the left post to go across the mouth of goal and Jock having to beat three players (mainly because he hadn't released the ball early enough), the defence played exceptionally well with Adam removing threats and Dan distributing the ball effectively up the left flank. The final 5-10 minutes we began to find our feet and going back to old school hockey, using some vets skills of a straight stick stop, attacks came our way with encouraging signs that this game was still to play for and going into the half at 0-0.

The second half started with a more controlled focus and with Cuthbert and Doug proving dangerous up the right flank and Duncan and Armo finding composure and some deft one-twos in the centre of the park it started to become a matter of time when some headway would be made. After five minutes the break came when Doug slipped the ball to Armo who drawing a defender slipped the ball to Preston and iterating his return, drove the ball into the back of the net. The game started to slow for a while due to both side's fitness and Richmond still looked threatening on occasion however the defence and Nigel kept the game in check. Richmond however got a break through up the left wing and crossing the ball in a scramble at the right post let in a goal, nothing to be done. Picking the game up, short corners game our way with Doug's flick being knocked high and Preston and Doug's one-two unluckily went wide. In the final five minutes, however, the break came off a short corner when Doug struck the ball into the bottom left of the goal to seal the game 2-1. Great play across the team and pitch with CD also having some great moments of distribution and tackling but man of the match goes to Nigel Smith who kept us in the game for the first 15 ... and more.

November 18

1st XI XI v Merton – Won 3-0

David Knapp seems happy after putting us 2-0 up

We needed a performance and we delivered. Sitting in their club house on Sunday in Cape Town, Merton must have wondered how they were unable to create more than a couple of half chances having regard to the pressure they exerted. The reasons were simple, a remarkable defensive performance from our back 5 and Cato and the failure of Merton to realise that they could not score every time they attacked. Although we had not set out our stall to play counter attacking hockey that was the way it happened. Before the game we recognised that a draw was no good to either side and that the side that lost would be languishing in this division for another season. Both of us may still be in the league next year but after today it would be a three-horse race for the two promotion slots.

Going one up in the second minute was naturally the ideal start. Smudger was on hand to pick up the bits from our first short corner. The next 20 minutes saw us play some wonderful hockey breaking out of defence, moving the ball at pace and making the running. Our second goal was the product of excellent running from Copleston who initially earned a stroke that was changed after consultation to a short corner. Not sure why as it was either a stroke or nothing. The short corner was deflected home by Knapp. The last 10 minutes of the half saw Merton have their best period of the game, winning a few short corners but not testing Mike. Ed Breton was in the middle of the best game I have seen him play and he is a different player than the Breton of previous years, ably supported by Will the war horse, Bruce at left back and Chris Brewer – silent but deadly at right back. We could and should have scored either side of half time with the third goal of the match always likely to be critical. Two super breaks were spoilt by poor last passes with me being the worst culprit at the start of the second period quite right earning me dick of the day.

Cato battles for possession

The game was sealed with the reliable combination of Pies and Adair, the former crossing for the latter to expertly deflect over the sprawling keeper, this following another top quality move. Although Merton won a series of short corners they were once again unable to press Mike into meaningful action and but for a splendid performance by the Merton keeper we could have had five or six – a point conceded by the Merton manager. By far and away our most impressive and professional performance of the season with monumental amounts of running from the front six. I understand there are a few critics who pan these reports so complaints please to dsk@hartbrown.co.uk David Knapp

Ladies XI v Spencer – Won 3-2
We played Spencer 2s this weekend in a top-of-the-table clash. We were definitely up for the challenge and for the first time in a while had subs on the sideline which gave us exactly the ammunition they needed to hit Spencer hard. True to form, we started well but went behind within five minutes after we conceded an unlucky short corner. Spencer were obviously well drilled and their first strike neatly hit the backboard to take them 0-1. However, we didn’t let our heads go down and going behind actually spurred us on to play some of the most attacking hockey we have done all season! Our first goal came from a long corner placed in by Jaxs, onto Vikki’s, who then turned and struck for goal through the keepers legs … 1-1. Heads now really up, and we kept the attacking play going moving the ball swiftly and sharply around the team, all the time progressing through the Spencer defence. Then just before half time came our second goal – Tux moved the ball out of defence on to Dora, on the right hand side, who then placed it through to May in the centre of the pitch. Her speed meant that she had a one-on-one with the goalie and she coolly placed the ball in the goal to take us 2-1 up.

Knapp appeals for a short corner as the ball reappears behind him

After the break we nearly let Spencer back into the game with a few loose passes but after a few minutes of play we refocussed and found our form again. Spencer, however, were determined not to lose, which meant every 50-50 ball was a crunching tackle and we needed to show their physical strength if we were going to keep the lead. Shortly into the second half Spencer leveled the game as their pressure play paid off. This just made us more determined and they visibly stepped up our game towards the end of the second half – both in attack and in defence we held our own. The win was finally cemented through a blinding run from May as she received the ball just outside the 25 with only the keeper to beat (again) and that is just what she did – 3-2. The final minutes were nerve racking but concentration never left us and there was very British (reserved) elation at the final whistle. Woman of the match goes to Rosie who got stuck in on every part of the pitch. But the very best bit of good news is that we are now top of the league, with a game in hand on some of the teams – well done girls and coach Motty … it has been a great team effort. Helen Hawes

3rd XI XI v Sunbury – Drew 0-0
We were held to a 0-0 draw and although it was our second game without conceding this season , it was our first without scoring. A slightly disjointed first half with an excellent save from the Sunbury keeper from a flick from Doug and some excellent defending from Stu Steele - who is rumoured to be on performance enhanced sweets after small pupil-like spy reported in to the club this week! Although debutant Tim Judd performed well even after taking a knock early on, both teams were held to a stalemate for the first half. The second half didn't essentially develop from this and although four short corners were delivered, nothing was achieved from these and a credit to the Sunbury keeper but in fairness, we didn't make it too hard for him! The most memorable moment appears to be the pre-match talk where the clique "put it in the back of the net, keep it simple" just didn't seem to be listened to (similar to most team talks ironically!)! A game, hopefully something to be built from, and the Man of the Match was Steele.

November 11

1st XI XI v HAC – Won 3-2
A number of years have passed since we were dissatisfied with a win but the 3 -2 win against HAC was one of those occasions. A poor performance and well below that we know we are capable of but three points. Although not an easy ground to find there is no excuse to only have two players at the pitch ahead of the meeting time and eight at the scheduled start time. The main strength of this side has been the way we have started games following the excellent Brucey warm ups. All said and done we set out to keep it simple whilst we settled down and as a result were one up in five or so minutes playing a short sharp passing game with the very unwell Mark Smith setting up Pies to slot home the first. The move of the season followed some minutes later involving pretty well the whole team with the final shot inches wide from Adair. Having settled, we then failed to up a gear, lost our structure and gave away a goal to the first real attack by HAC. Mike made a wonderful save to HAC’s only other shot of the half from a short corner and so it remainder 1 – 1 until half time.

At the start of the second half we went back to simple stuff and Pies scored his second, Adair touched home a Pies cross and at 3 – 1 that should have been it. Our next two corners resulted in a fortuitous save by their keeper and a clearance off the line – both from Pies – and our falling back into the casual mode and our worst habit of giving the ball away when not under pressure re appeared. A powerful attacking position was turned into a break by HAC, the concession of a short and a wonderful strike by HAC to peg us back to 3 – 2. Again we upped a gear but could not make the killer final pass when it seemed easier to score than not but we hung on. HAC helped our cause by picking up three unnecessary yellow cards, finishing the game with nine men. We have said it before but it is worth repeating, what a great benefit we gain by keeping our mouths shut with the umpires.

This season we have talked about wanting promotion. We are potentially good enough to win the league and hold our own in the league above but have to change our attitude and become more professional. Although I am not in a position to criticise, we have already come unstuck for not training – OWs do train and therefore their four chances were more likely to go in as they had probably all had 30 or more practice efforts each during the week whilst our 20 chances shared between the whole team were the only ones of the week. Winning this Saturday and the remaining three games of this half of the season will probably see us one or two points behind the team second position with all to play for after the break. We will need to sit down and have a serious chat as to what we want out of the first three months of 2007. David Knapp

Ladies XI v Croydon – Won 2-0
This week we played Croydon 1s with revenge firmly on their minds following a bitter sweet loss last season (we had been winning 0-2 to lose 4-3!). With pretty much the same squad as last week we knew what needed to happen … keep our concentration and we could have this game. The first quarter saw us rooted firmly in our half defending hard but maintaining our structure … nothing was going to come past us but this hadn’t been the plan. They had their short corner opportunities but they either got deflected over the perimeter fence or were swiftly cleared by the defence of Rosie, Ros, Tux and Hels. Then out of nowhere we just seemed to notch up a gear and took the game to them. Some brilliant play from our midfield of Jax, Sarah H, Caz and Viks saw us make some brilliant breaks which eventually paid off. We went one up through some great combination play in the middle field and a good battle on their goal line … Sarah H eventually converted but no-one gave up until we had made sure she hammered past the goalie. Croydon were also able to mount a late challenge into the first half and were unlucky not to score but successfully woke up Katy as their forward undercut the ball just inside the D, hit Katy’s helmet and the ball rebounded off the crossbar …

Half-time eventually came and went but we reminded ourselves that we had to view this half as starting all over again… fines were also now being imposed from any weak reverse passing (amazing how it concentrates the mind … but not mine!). We started as we should have done in the first half dominating the game, with strong passes and defensive play … they literally had nowhere to pass at times… and they were showing their frustrations. May and Dora were both making fast and penetrating runs up front which eventually got us the second goal we deserved from Dora … but not until we had smacked the ball every which way at the keeper, who was lying across the goal! Disaster nearly struck before the final whistle as Sarah H’s bottom lip connected with a stick, to leave blood pouring onto the astro - very attractive! But undeterred she continued, even if she couldn’t remember which way we were going, and she still went in for those tackles that most people would flinch at! We continued the pressure right to the end of the game and we eventually rewarded with a 0-2 win and a clean sheet, after the final whistle. This was a brilliant weekend for the ladies as our unbeaten run continued … it was one of the most controlled and positive games we have played for a long time – well done girls, everyone played an ace game!

3rd XI v HAC – Won 3-1
A 3-1 win guided us back to winning ways after a slight hiccup. We faced NPL who have traditionally been a challenging team to face, with early text messages from two players saying that they weren't feeling well enough to play and another player informing us of an injury. After some significant and frantic calls, Jock finished his coffee, jumped out of bed to join the 10 men starting the game. With this numerical disadvantage, the NPL attacks were dominant for the first 15 minutes with some good defending from Adam and Abeed and some excellent saves from Nigel Smith between the posts, the score however remained at 0-0. Jock's prodigal appearance brought the game under more control and Duncan and Doug were able to make headway in attacking the right flank and causing some early threats. The NPL attacks, although decreased, were none the less still occurring with Armo clearing a ball off the line and picking the ball out of the air with a rare glimpse of any cricket ability, the half finished 0-0.

The second half started with us taking more control of the game and starting to distribute the ball more fluidly. With the Lawrence brothers attacking up front, Doug and CD both moved the ball between them all effectively and in a threatening manner. The break came off a short corner where Doug picked up a loose release, flicked the ball and from the keeper rebound, CD put his first of the season away. More build up play followed and from a similar short corner situation, Doug unleashed another flick and CD was able to reangle the balls to score his second of the season (smugness currently ensuing!).

Further attacks ensued from NPL and Adam did well to clear a ball off the line however a break from another short corner left the defense overly exposed and with three NPL players in the center and minimal (if any) marking occurring, a simple slot took the score to 2-1. With the game potentially in the balance, a possible contender for goal of the season came from Doug with an outstanding strike from mid right of the D into the left corner. Man of the Match, however, went to Nigel Smith for keeping us in the game in the first half and some excellent 'hits'. James Armitage

4th XI v Old Reigatians – Drew 3-3
Alas this week, due to time pressures Harmer’s column is unable to present you with a full 1200 word verbose description of the emotional and physical encounter that the 4th team endured against Old Reigations at TD this weekend. After last week’s victory against Walton & Weybridge which was attributed to early nights, extra training and five fruits and veg a day. We had the confidence to start banging the goals and the whole team bubbled with jovial banter before the pushback apart from Robin ‘Apple’ Crumby. When arriving at the ground a team mate greeted him by saying ‘Good News Crumbly….’ but before the sentence could be completed old ‘Apple Crumble’ stated ‘The game is cancelled and I can go home!’, Old Crumble probably had a week that had gone ‘Pear’ shaped but as another colleague pointed out he was being an ‘Apple Tart’!

With only 11 players due to Jock ‘The Vegetable” Vickers being recruited at the last minute into Armo’s Teletubby Army we knew it was going to be a tough game especially as Dom ‘Carrot Top’ Tucker was carrying an injury. But under the able guidance of Bertie ‘The Beetroot’ Bance we knew that we all pulled together we would not lose the (vegetable) plot! At pushback both team started at a great pace with both attacking to find weaknesses and before long the OC defense was rooted to the spot as the ‘Spring Onion’ centre forward for OR’s slotted the ball past the ‘Champion Marrow’ figure of Dave Goodchild.

We felt as about as happy as a Bacon Buttie at a bar mitzvah, and unlike previous outings this season, we responded by sprouting passion and controlled aggression which finally (Banana) split the OR’s defence! The man of the moment was Will ‘Tomato’ Thompson who finished off a move started by Louis ‘String Bean’ Strover. From then on the game became a true classic with both teams playing attacking hockey, a second helping for Will Thompson saw us go 2-1 in the second half but OR’s put two in the ‘Onion Bag’ in reply leaving us under pressure which was stretching the OC defense. Old ‘Apple Crumble’ was nearly turning as red as a Strawberry and Grant ‘The Gooseberry’ Archer was turning a very strange colour to repel the consistent attacks.

Thankfully when we really needed it, Bertie the Beetroot delivered a simple goal after Will ‘Tomato’ Thompson left ketchup on the faces of OR’s defense with a mazy run that finally played in Bertie! At full time the score stood at 3-3 and probably a fair result but truly the best competitive and spirited game we have played this season. Afterwards Robin ‘Apple’ Crumby was heard to say ‘Thank God that’s over I feel as knackered as Granny Smith!’ You ‘the avid reader’ may be enjoying this column (You must be kidding - Ed) over lunch at your desk so take a moment to glance at your menu and wonder ‘The 4th team might be a bunch of vegetables but are you getting your five a day?!’ Steve Harmer

November 4

1st XI XI v Old Whits – Lost 1-3
A disappointing result but far from a disappointing performance. A shot tally of 20 for us and 6 for the opposition, seven short corners against 1 and a card count of six or so green cards and one yellow for OWs against one green for us evidences the pressure we exerted and the domination we enjoyed. Curiously OWs overrun centre half received three green cards for differing offences as the game continually by passed him. Nevertheless OWs made their chances count in the 10 minutes before half time when we lessened the pace of our game and did not dominate as we had for the first 25 minutes and were going to for the whole of the second half.

We started in an excellent fashion and the home side had to soak up a great deal of pressure but fair to say they limited us to a handful of chances and those that we did have were dealt with very capably by Andy Evans in their goal who was OWs Man of the Match making a series of good saves throughout. We were unpicked by long balls out of defence on a very bouncy pitch that by passed our midfield but our back four were expertly marshalled by Will and we do now have a very secure unit who did an excellent job in protecting Nigel in goal – our fourth keeper in the last five games.

2 – 0 down at half time was harsh but we rolled up our sleeves and Smudger brought us back in the game after both Pies and Will had shots well saved with Smudger cracking home the second re bound. Somewhat surprisingly the umpire having said there would be no more green cards proceeded to give two more greens to OWs who had to continually foul to prevent our waves of attacks. Nevertheless the result went against us and well done to OWs for making the most of their fortune and full marks to them in conceding they were fortunate. Without a doubt this was one of the best games of hockey we have played in for a number of years and both teams deserve to grace the league above on this performance. HAC and Merton in the next two weeks and five wins between now and Christmas would leave us handily positioned for the New Year push. DK

Ladies XI v Wimbledon – Drew 2-2
The ladies unbeaten record continued with a draw against Wimbledon 2As. Wimbledon may have been sitting close to bottom of the league table but they certainly turned on the form for this game. It started with Wimbledon having much of the play and we spent a bit too much time bogged down in our own half. However, as we got ourselves up to full speed our game began to improve and we were able to get the ball to our forwards to get some shots on goal. Our lucky break came against the run of play following the award of a short corner, which Sarah H converted smoothly through a straight strike on goal. The confidence was a massive boast and we were able to have more control of the game. However Wimbledon was soon level through an unusual mix up in defence ... ooops. Undeterred, we ensured that we had the upper hand going into the second half and a back line cross from Jax, which flicked off the oppo’s stick neatly to Nikki’s who was waiting to deflect it into the back of the goal... 2-1.

The second half was a tight contest and nerve racking for us at times. Wimbledon had a long period of hard attacking play, which wasn’t helped by sweeper Ros having to take to the side lines following the gallant use of her knee to stop a shot at goal. With that we lost our structure our way and allowed Wimbledon back into the game. A short corner strike managed by the slimmest of gaps to hit the back board and level the score. The final whistle eventually came following some great attacking play by us but alas it wasn’t enough.

Martin (quick to show cards) Williamson was also on form, demonstrating great green action, as her carded a remorseful Ros and a tearful Viks (her first in 11 seasons – harsh Mr W). Personally I think he just wanted to show the new green card he had made ‘Blue Peter’ style earlier that morning! HH

October 28

1st XI XI v Walton– Won 5-1
Probably the best first-half performance for a number of years killing off the game by half time. We welcomed back James Myers after his relocation to Haywards Heath and this gave our defence a real confidence boost and some sound tactical and positional advice. W & W were up for this match and fair to say that during our warm up we were a little off the pace. The teams were evenly matched in the first 10 minutes with W & W throwing the ball around at a good speed and working good patterns but the organised defence and midfield snuffed out any danger. Myers had to be alert to deal with two half-chances as the opposition belied their bottom of the table position. They will not remain there long on this performance. However by sticking to our game plan and controlling the midfield we began to turn the screw and after settling down scored two quick goals courtesy of the predatory instincts of Knapp and then carved open the W & W defence with two beautiful moves enabling Adair and Copleston to crack home shots from the top of the D to put us four up. The movement off the ball by the top six was top class.

We slightly lost our way in the second half due to not moving the ball quick enough when breaking out of defence and missed some good chances to extend our lead and it was with some irritation from our perspective that W & W touched home a well worked free hit to reduce the arrears. Mark Selby scored his 12th of the season near the end to end a 74-minute goal drought and ensure that we ended the game on a high note ahead of three top-of-the-table clashes. The next three weeks could determine our season but if we play as we did in the first half we will prove that we are up to the challenge.

The most encouraging performances of the day were from Ed Breton and Bruce Davies both of whom had their troubles last year and indeed from the umpires. Not a single moan to the umpires who were the best 2 we have had all season working well together and refraining from dishing out any cards which in the context of the game was absolutely right.

Ladies XI XI v Tulse Hill – Won 2-1
Getting to the game this week nearly turned into a nightmare but it was well worth it! Friday started with only nine players, a keeper at death’s door, no umpire and one of our players unable to see properly due to an eye infection – oh the joy! But team spirit prevailed and we managed to pull a team together from most of Surrey’s surrounding counties with the girls travelling to Tulse Hill & Dulwich from Hampshire, Sussex, Berkshire, Hertfordshire and Kent!!! But Saturday didn’t start well as a puncture nearly stopped us in our tracks and even our short skirts didn’t manage to persuade the Mercedes ‘salesman’ to help… so ‘Girlguide’ Dora gave the girls a very quick lesson on how to change a tyre - phew!

Having got to the ground, relaxed and focused on our match against the league leaders we set about maintaining our unbeaten league run. The game started with us firmly rooted in our own half and defending hard. The opposition were physical, trying to push us off the ball, but our motto this year has been to get tough back and it is working. Making sure we stamped our strength on the game helped drive our confidence. But it was our concentration that eventually got us the upper hand through a short-corner conversion. A Gadget short-corner hit out to Jax who neatly laid it back to Gadget, who then sweetly turned and struck for goal – one-nil. We continued to defend hard against a smarting THD and just before half-time they got the equaliser through an unlucky p-flick, as we scrabbled to clear our line. THD made quick work of converting their p-flick, which a rather unwell Katy, was unlucky not to stop.

In the second half we had all to play for with the score at 1-1 and what a battle it turned out to be. Elbows were flying, tempers were getting raised, Rosie was having her kamikaze moments, umpires were being questioned then changing their decisions and the sideline crowd was goading us (but Barrie and Monica put on a good show to drown them out)! With 10 minutes before the final whistle we got the goal that put us ahead … a long corner hit from Jax’s neatly deflected off Nikki’s stick for us to go 1-2 up. The remaining minutes of the game were frantic but we kept our heads and went away claiming the three points. A big thank you to everyone who played. We collectively travelled 675 miles there and back yesterday … great effort (how sad am I)! Special thanks to Sarah Ussher who came up from Portsmouth at short notice to help us out. HH

October 21

2nd XI v Walton– Won 9-2
Five goals from our close-season signing Bruce McNeal guided us to our most convincing win of the season so far over a Walton & Weybridge Hawks side with some major holes at the back. The game was fairly even for the first 20 minutes, although the on-loan David Knapp and Richard Mitchell caused considerable problems - an indication of the Walton’s defensive deficiencies came when Knapp outpaced them. At 3-1 to us the game was still on, but a quite brilliant finish by Mitchell knocked the stuffing out of the visitors – a route one ball from defence found Mitchell on the dead-ball line (Knapp yelled “who the **** was that to … er …great ball” as he spotted Mitchell) and he drew the keeper, pulled the ball back and drilled it home from a tight angle. Two minutes later it was Mitchell again who showed exceptional skills, holding the ball for 20 seconds yards from goal before slipping to the incoming McNeal. The second half was as one-sided, Billy Smart cracked two so-simple short-corners, and we strolled to victory.

3rd XI v Epsom – Won 8-0
We inflicted an 8-0 win over Epsom to sustain our start-of- season run. We welcomed back Stu Steele and Charlie Oliver into defensive and midfield positions respectively who both delivered strong performances throughout. The game started with some excellent passing through the midfield and effective attacks up both the left and right wings. Although Epsom countered on a few occasions, there was minimal threat and short corners were closed down effectively. There were a few moments of concern but a credit to the midfield for reducing Epsom's attacks. The match continued with a flurry and two goals in the final five minutes of the half for us to go into half-time2-0 up. As always, an inspirational talk at half-time was promptly ignored, and although Neil and Abeed insisted on giving Epsom as much chance as possible with a couple of unlucky balls, an early third goal from Doug making up for his launch over the bar from two meters out earlier in the game changed the entire game. Further attacks had greater fluidity and with some well worked balls, a fourth goal from Duncan Mottram came very quickly and although the short-corners are an area for us all to work on, an award of a penalty-flick for a body-block on the line and a following flick into the roof of the net took the game to 5-0. Another goal minutes later with a somewhat out-of-position central defender took the game to 6-0 and further goals from Abeed and Neil both making up for earlier misdemeanors wrapped up the scoring. Some excellent passing and teamwork showed that we are coming back to its previous capabilities of last season and Doug McKenzie took Man-of-the-Match.

October 14

1st XI v Bank of England – Won 3-0
After last week’s frolic in the sun we needed a sterner test to see how effective our new system would prove to be. Bank of Boks provided the test we expected of them. Facing an 11-men-behind-the-ball tactic is a difficult one to combat but once we worked out that a low ball-speed and the attack coming back into the midfield to collect the ball was not going to assist the cause it was only our profligate waste of chances and an inspired performance by the opposition’s goalkeeper that prevented us from wrapping up the game before the last 15 minutes. Men on the baseline and a great amount of patience was rewarded when the goal machine Pies tapped home after a beautiful move. Eight goals in three games by Pies but all the more remarkable bearing in mind he has spent 30% of the time on the bench. Mark Smith added two more to give the scoreline a fair look. Mike was welcomed back in goal and made three excellent saves before we scored, with one in particular being out of the top drawer. A few seasons ago – and indeed last year – we would have lost this game because of lack of belief, lack of experience and little patience. How things have changed and what a benefit to receive the rub of the umpiring green now that we keep our mouths shut. David Knapp

Ladies v Purley Walcountians – Won 1-0
This week we played our much-loved rivals Purely Walcountains 2s. Having had a great start to the league last week there was a huge amount of positive energy in the team … plus we all knew we were capable of getting our revenge on Purely for last season! The whole game was physically tough … not just from all the running but there were the odd bangs here and there … but this is where our change in attitude from last season showed. We gave it our all, fighting for 50:50 balls and using our physical strength to command the game. The fact that the only goal in the game came part way through the second half goes to show it was close. We did have many opportunities to score but each time it skimmed past the post or we simply just couldn’t connect with the ball as it floated past an open goal. The break came from Vik’s quick thinking free hit, just outside the D, onto Morg’s stick who then nudged it back onto Vik, who neatly smashed it home. Relief quickly swept across the team but the concentration need to stay right towards the end. We remained defensively strong until the final whistle, with Katy having to pull off some strong saves and keep her nerve as she encountered one-on-one moments with the oppo’s defence. Well played to all the team. A great start to the season … lets keep it going. Helen Hawes

3rd XI v Guildford – Won 2-1
We returned to the glorious fields of Thames Ditton after a week off to face Guildford Shadows expecting a challenging and demanding game; we were not disappointed. Initial pushback led to some exceptionally hard-fought defending as Guildford repeatedly attacked on the left and right wings and sending some excellent through balls which were dealt with admirably by Dan Knowles, Adam McIlroy and Simon Luckett. Guildford continued their assaults which weren’t helped by our lack of clearance ability and how easily we gave the ball aware to be countered in numbers. Guildford had numerous short corners with Nigel Hawes making his presence felt as well as some excellent tackles by Dan and Simon with a clearance off the line by James Armitage maintained the score at 0-0. Some stronger play in the last 15 of the half showed some promise with some short corners in our own favour which did appear more threatening the Guildford's. We continued to defend strongly and Duncan Mottram holding strength in the midfield we were fortunate to not have conceded and on another day, we could easily have gone into the half four down, certainly a testament to the resilience to the defence. The half although a success in our favour meant that we had to build from this and close down Guildford more effectively and with 14 players available, we had the facility to utilise a strength with Dave and Rich Lawrence both looking threatening going forward. Off the back of a short corner, from open play, Rich received the ball at the top of the D and drilled the ball into the bottom left of the goal putting us 1-0 up. Guildford continued their attacks and with a diligent midfield unfortunately some frustration build into our players and we were lucky not to have a card shown and something which needs to be worked on for the rest of the season. Guildford continued their attacks and with a well worked move down the left wing they equalized with nine minutes left. Guildford continued their attacks which kept both midfield and Defence busy although some great distribution from Abeed and Doug allowed Neil and Dave L to keep threatening the Guildford goal and with some excellent team work, Dave demonstrated the finesse required to restore our lead. We looked on top dominantly for the remaining game with limited attacks in our half however with three minutes remaining we conceded a flick. Hawes stepped up and with the focus of a Jedi used the force and the ball went harmlessly wide.

October 7

1st XI v Camberley – Won 11-0
New players and a new system that began to work beautifully after 15 minutes. A full availability pre season could have worked the problem out ahead of the UCL game but win the next 20 and we win the league, so not too late. As with last week could have been two down before we scored in the 15th minute from which point we entered a goalfest with nine goals in 40 minutes, eight from open play. Pies led the way with four ( seven in two games ), Mark Smith back to his most effective and erudite best added three and before it all ended Adair and Knapp had scored two each to make the final score 11 – 0. Adair was quite right to be affronted by Knapp’s selfishness preventing him from scoring a third.Camberley were cruelly exposed by a wonderful display and even their centre half who is surely a much better player than the average Surrey Div 1 player had no answer to our power play. We now need to see if the system works against an opposition who will prove to be a sterner test – Bank of Boks – this Saturday. For the first time in many years – if not ever – we have a second XI whose members are all more than capable of filling the equivalent places of the first XI and so there is an added spice to the performances of both teams. One swallow does not make a summer but Saturday’s performance does go a long way to eradicate the memory of the first league game. David Knapp

Ladies XI v University of London – Won 6-1
We played our first league game this weekend against our old rivals University of London. Having had a great pre-season, we were high in confidence going into Saturday’s game but it all came together so much better than expected. The first half started a little late … something relating to CD being very lost on the M4 – please do not think for one minute he was hung-over … so with the help of the opposition’s extra umpire we got underway. It wasn’t long into the game before we were dominating, with quick runs from the mid-field of Jax, Caz, Vikki and Sarah H wh0 were linking impressively through to Nikki and Dora. Eventually the break came through a penalty corner and a clean first strike from Dora that put us one up. Not only did it settle our nerves but our confidence rose and the floodgates opened with a further three goals in the first half. The second soon followed with Sarah H’s strong run through the oppositions defence and great cross through to Dora who nudged it past the keeper at knee height. For our third, Vikkster’s tenacity and a mix up between the opposition’s goalie and defender meant that she was able to coolly slot it past the scrabbling keeper. Finally the fourth came from Sarah H as smashed it past a now unorganised UL back line. Whilst on paper it looks like we dominated the first half UL did come at us and put us under pressure a fair few times. But with Ros and Katy H there to clear our lines we were able to keep them out. However just before half-time a flurry of play and shots on our goal allowed UL to get one in before the break to take it to 1-4. CD eventually arrived in the second half only to be seen diving for a water bottle at great speed … it is hot sitting in an air con car and not an alcohol induced re-hydration technique I can assure you! Fortunately he did get to see two goals – the first came from Dora … who was now after a hat-trick and sunk our fifth past a now frustrated UL team. The second came from a great Vikkster run down the right hand side, from the 25 yard line, on to the end of Dora’s stick to make it 1-6. Towards the end of the second half UL did step it up but the defence of Rosie, Ros, George, Katy H and Hels held their ground and kept a clean sheet in the second half to leave the score-line 1-6 and Dora claiming the first round at next weeks dinner! Well played everyone. Helen Hawes

September 30

1st XI v UCL – Lost 3-5
Not the best of starts but a result that on the day was a fair one. Having had a reasonable pre season hopes were high but in hindsight playing an XI that had hitherto not played together was not a recipe for success. All said and done we did find ourselves 2 – 0 to the good courtesy of Pies but that score line flattered us as UCL had spurned two very good chances before we scored. Indeed we should have gone three up but Knapp missed a very good chance and two minutes later UCL were back in it with a gift of a goal. 3 – 0 would probably have wrapped up the match and on match turning events do results and who knows season turn. Parity was reached by half time – poor defending at a short corner – and so it stayed until Pies completed his hat-trick to put us in the lead again. At that point we looked in complete control put another appalling defensive lapse gifted UCL their third and from that point on there was only one winner and so it turned out with two late goals. First yellow card of the season went to Knapp who used his experience to break down a quick breakout from defence by UCL. There were some positives in the performance by Bruce Davies at left back which was outstanding and chances created from set pieces practiced during the week and very little chat to the umpires. The downside was a little too many positional changes due to not having played a first choice side up until this point and a major and too often apparent failing in turning good and solid defensive positions into goals for the opposition. As Muzz said after the game this occurs too frequently to be bad luck and without a doubt is a product of not knowing where the ball is going to go before it is received – a point made many times over the last few years.

3rd XI v Surrey University – Won 6-2
A long summer has now swept past us as the OC Team of the Year 2005-06 stepped back onto the hallowed turf of Thames Ditton to educate the students of Surrey University that experience does have merit over youthful experimentation with alcohol; this however was flawed as half the team are compulsive binge drinkers. With some individuals now moved on to sunnier climates and retirement, the 3XI has had a few changes over the summer with Neil Robertson-Ravo and Richard Lawrence joining the team. The game started with a flick of the coin done by the returning OC skipper, James Armitage, and having to do this twice as the Surrey Uni captain forgot to call the coin as it was in mid air on the first occasion. We had pushback and with obvious cobwebs and lack of fitness apparent we started well with some fluid passing and some excellent tackling from Dan Knowles and Simon Luckett at the back where required. Duncan Mottram held the center of the park exceptionally well with thevidentification of their key play maker, he was able to stem their attacks and coordinate the structure of the game. The score at half time was 2-0 with Chris Tiss scoring off a short corner at the near post with Dave Lawrence scoring another. An inspirational half-time talk which wasn't ridiculed after the match (which indicates it was acceptable) led the team out with Jock Vickers returning to an attacking position (he's out of the way!!) the game took a more controlled structure however the uni team stepped the game up and brought the game back to 2-1. A short corner followed about 10 minutes later into the game with a miss-hit at the top of the D, Duncan Mottram put the ball in the back of the net. Tiss continued his fine form by causing endless trouble up the right wing and pleasantly surprised everyone including the umpires by not questioning their decisions the entire game. At 3-1, the Uni team managed to walk through our defence and took the game to 3-2 with an excellent individual piece of skill which demonstrated our lack of fitness and tiredness by that stage. The game had the potential to go either way at the stage and it was left to the OCs in the last five minutes to demonstrate the merits of binge drinking as Neil scored two on his debut and Chris Tiss scoring another, 6-2.