Nick Lewis falls out of a window

Nick Lewis will miss the rest of the season after falling out of a window. As you do. He might have sustained more serious injuries had he not been drunk as well.

"Following an alleged 12-pint drinking binge, Nick was unfortunate enough to lose balance and fall through a window in his Esher mansion," explained the ever-helpful Eds Copleston. "He has suffered severe cuts to his arm and after 20 hours in A&E on Saturday he goes in for an operation to place a cast on his arm and begin rehabilitation.

"This is not the first incident of injury under the influence this season and it is hoped club members will drink more sensibly from now on. As a club we wish him a speedy recovery.”